


And So, The Cat Returned

by ferric



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, and i know foreverautumn likes cat aus so, fic where levi is a cat, happy birthday foreverautumn, i just want to write a cat au, yeah anyways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-18 01:51:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2330843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferric/pseuds/ferric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren met, befriended, and fell in love with Levi the person and Levi the cat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And So, The Cat Returned

**Author's Note:**

  * For [foreverautumn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverautumn/gifts).



> aka, where I tried to write a cat AU for [foreverautumn](http://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverautumn/pseuds/foreverautumn/)'s birthday five billion years ago and completely missed the mark. Happy belated birthday!!
> 
> All the kudos to my fantastic partner in crime, [nikooki](http://nikooki.tumblr.com/), who is absolutely amazing and made lovely art for our collab [here](http://nikooki.tumblr.com/post/97934718683/collaboration-with-erengayer-d-we-originally/). Check them out! They’re adorable! <3
> 
> And now, for the fic:

 

 

 

Carla was delighted when Eren agreed to stay with his cousin for the summer, although he suspected that she unconsciously hoped the stay would be longer. Unlike his father, who rarely used German in front of Eren anymore, his mother had tried her best to instill as much American as she could in him. In a typical American fashion she complained about her home country only in the presence of her family but spoke well enough of it in front of strangers, so over the years Eren’s feelings toward the country were lukewarm at best.

And so Eren arrived at the international airport one hot summer, armed with one big suitcase and one small suitcase and an English accent that didn’t know if it wanted to be British (courtesy of the international school) or American (courtesy of his mother). (His mother’s influence won out in the end, by the way). It took another two hours of fumbling before he arrived at the college town and another painful thirty minute walk until he reached the small apartment complex with short rose bushes in front of what was supposedly the residence of his cousin.

He glanced nervously at the dusty gray sky, heavy with clouds. He didn’t pack an umbrella, and after thirty minutes of knocking at the door of apartment B, 1458 Sutter Street with no one answering, he became even more anxious. Tired, cold and alone, Eren was already getting sick of the country before he had a chance to explore it.

Before he started on another round of knocking, promising silently that it would be more vicious this time, the apartment next door opened. A man with the most hideous mouse pattern shirt (Eren didn’t know those were allowed in the sight of humans) and enough stubble paired with unkempt hair to look like the homeless people Eren had just passed along the main street twenty minutes ago stepped out.

He had the darkest eyes Eren had ever seen.

“Can I help you?” the man said gruffly.

‘It’s not your help I’m looking for,’ Eren thought. The man didn’t look like he wanted to help so much as to stop Eren from making more loud noises in this ridiculously quiet neighborhood for a college town. (The theology school that Eren passed was probably the reason.)

Eren thought about his word choices; he never had the chance of practicing English on anyone aside from the students at the international school or his mother before. “I’m living here,” he pointed to the door. “For the summer.”

The other man stared at him. “I thought Betsy hasn’t found a new tenant yet.”

“My cousin. I’m living with him,” Eren said.

The man frowned. “Terry?”

“Yes,” Eren jumped at the familiar name.

The man looked troubled like he wasn’t sure what to tell Eren. “Terry moved out two weeks ago.”

Eren stared at the man in horror. “But—he said,” when he remembered that he had never talked to Terry, his mom did, he corrected, “Mum said—”

He was fucked. He didn’t have a phone, didn’t have internet, and didn’t have a means of contacting his parents. He had some money, all two grand in cash in his suitcase, but he didn’t have a way of finding a place to stay, and he didn’t pass anything on his way that looked like a hotel. At this moment, he felt so lonely and anxious that his heart might explode.  

“I—” Eren swallowed. “I’m an international student and I don’t have—”

“Why don’t you come in?” the other man said, sounding resigned.

Eren snapped up to look at him.

“And don’t—” the man scrunched up his face. “Don’t look at me like that. It doesn’t mean much, but I promise I’m not a serial killer.”

When Eren gave no indication that he was going to move, the other man sighed. “Come in.” He stepped aside and opened his door wider, gesturing to the inside of his apartment. “It’s going to start raining in a few minutes.” He looked up at the sky, his frown deepening. “I’m not looking forward to having a kid die of pneumonia in front of my apartment.”

“We’ll find a way to contact your family. Come on.”

It was only when the sky began sprinkling down that Eren reluctantly moved to walk past the man’s open door into his apartment.

“My name is Levi,” the man said.

“Eren.”

Sure enough, it began to rain as soon as Levi closed the door.

That was how Eren first met Levi.

 

 

 

 

 

Although the old scent of wet wood was at the front door, water stain at the top corner, most of Levi’s apartment smelled fresh, not unlike a garden in spring. It was an old but well-kept place with an eclectic collection of furniture ranging from modern ones from IKEA to vintage pieces from the used furniture store. Stacks of books and papers covered the living room table, and Eren spied a few books that he recognized from his father’s bookshelf. Levi’s own bookshelf was a thing squeezed between the fireplace and the floor lamp in the corner, a beautiful oak wood giant comparable in size and capacity to his father’s. Levi also had another smaller one on the other side of the fireplace, near a window, but it was cluttered with lightly read paperbacks, some comics, and organized lines of structures made from toothpicks.       

Without Eren asking for it, Levi showed him the bathroom. Eren wanted to wash up, but he couldn’t do it without opening his suitcase and letting kilograms upon kilograms of his tightly packed belongings spill out everywhere. Levi seemed to sense as much because he gestured to a room down the hall from the bathroom.

Eren unpacked and repacked his suitcase so that all the hygiene items and common wear clothes were on top before heading to the bathroom to clean up. As with the rest of Levi’s apartment, the bathroom was clean and well-kept. Eren carefully mopped up the water he spilled over the sink with a hand towel by the faucet.   

By the time he walked out into the living room, feeling more refreshed and considerably calmer than before, there was a plate of pasta on the dining room table.

“There’s food if you want it,” Levi said from his place on the living room arm chair, already engrossed in a stack of paper. A pair of glasses perched over his nose.

Eren’s stomach growled in response. “Thank you,” he said. “Are you eating too?”

“I already ate.”

“Oh.”

Eren finished the plate too fast to be considered polite, but he was exhausted from the ordeal of the day. “You could put it in the sink.”

“Right.”

Eren awkwardly walked the plate to the sink.

“Just leave it. I’ll get to cleaning it later.”

Eren felt even more awkward.

“I take it that you don’t have a phone,” Levi said, setting his paperwork aside. He took off his glasses and placed them on top.

“No,” Eren shook his head.

“Do you have a way of contacting your parents?”

“I have Skype,” Eren said.

“You could use my internet,” Levi answered Eren’s unvoiced thought.

“Thank you.” Eren didn’t know how he was going to repay this kind stranger for everything that he did.

Levi helped Eren connect to the Wi fi, but as Eren logged on Skype, he realized that it was nine AM in Beijing, and thus his parents would be at work. He told Levi as much, feeling increasingly guilty for bothering him, and when Levi offered the guest room for the night, Eren felt even guiltier even though he was beyond grateful.

“You’re from China?” Levi said incredulously. Eren felt a smile crack over his face as he sipped hot chocolate, courtesy of his kind host. The response was something he expected. To Levi’s credit, he didn’t scrutinize Eren immediately as if he were trying find any discerning features associated with being Chinese in order to satisfy the preset prejudice of his mind.

“My mom was from a German-American family living in Illinois originally,” Eren said. He honestly didn’t know where Illinois was, but surely it wasn’t too far from California. “She lived in California for a short time, and then met my dad when she was working temporarily in Shanghai.”

“Is your dad Chinese then?”

“No, he was from Germany. He came to Shanghai as a visiting scholar and then later worked on the magnetic train system.”

“The Maglev train?” Levi perked up, and Eren blinked.

“Yeah,” Eren said, remembering the engineering books around the apartment.

That was it. Levi was polite with him before, but now that they hit a common topic, he was a lot warmer toward Eren. For the first time since he set foot in the country, Eren felt that he could be comfortable here.

Levi was a fascinating person. He didn’t appear excited when he spoke, but Eren could feel the enthusiasm in his voice, the thrumming passion hidden beneath his lazy posture against the armchair.

His eyes were dark and sharp and gave away nothing unless Eren looked closely. He was a slight man, but Eren could tell that there were hidden muscles underneath the baggy clothes. Despite his kindness, Levi had an aura of reservation intertwined with an appearance of callousness to protect whatever it was he was hiding.

Eren knew, though, that Levi wasn’t as callous as he wanted to appear.

He told Levi about taking classes at the university nearby for the summer, and in turn, he also found out that Levi was a part time student, and that he worked as a technician for the fabrication facility off campus.

“Smith’s the only guy who let me take a week off every month without giving me grief about it,” Levi said.  

“Do you take a week break every month then?” Eren asked out of pure curiosity.

Levi froze temporarily, and Eren wondered if he shouldn’t have tried to pry when Levi relaxed and said, “Yeah. Private medical reason.”

“Oh,” Eren said, and immediately changed the topic of the conversation. There were a lot of strange things about Levi that he wanted to know, like the bag of cat food and the cat bowl that he saw in the kitchen despite Levi not having a cat, but it wasn’t his place to ask.  

Despite only knowing each other for a short period of time, they talked well into the night. Levi didn’t seem like he was used to interacting with someone for this long because occasionally, he would frown whenever he accidentally said something personal that he probably hadn’t told anyone before.

But Eren could tell that Levi liked him, even if he couldn’t get the man to smile at least once.

 

 

 

 

Jetlag meant that Eren couldn’t sleep and woke up at four AM. This also meant that he could try to contact his parents, and luckily for him, they were online.

“He didn’t say anything about it!” Eren had to lower the volume on his laptop because his mom was nearly shouting now. “And you don’t have a place to stay now! Where are you? Are you okay?”

“I’m okay,” Eren said. “Terry’s neighbor let me stay at his place for the night, but I should find another place to stay soon.”

“Is he—”

“He’s nice.” He clamped down the rest of his thoughts before he could blurt out that Levi was quite attractive despite his horrifying mouse shirt. His mother wouldn’t be happy to hear that.

After about thirty minutes of convincing his mother that Levi wasn’t the type of kill him in his sleep, they talked about possible living options for Eren. He was going to split rent with Terry, but now Terry had bailed, off to who knows where.

If Eren thought about it, the only reason why Terry agreed to live with the son of an estranged aunt was because he needed the help in rent. Levi mentioned that Terry lost the convenience store that he was running because he couldn’t afford the payment for the landlord, so that was probably why he bailed. Why he didn’t remember to contact Carla about it…well his mother didn’t like her family for a reason.   

When morning came, Eren asked Levi how much the rent for Terry’s former apartment was, and promptly decided that it was not an option.

“Every place here is expensive,” Levi shrugged. “I can barely keep up with the rent here myself.”

Eren was tempted to ask if Levi was looking for a roommate, but he decided that he had bothered Levi enough, even if his mind said that he wouldn’t mind seeing Levi every morning and smelling the crisp scent of his aftershave.

Eren knew he needed to find a place to live, and fast.

He contacted the international student housing services, and they directed him to an off-campus dorm that charged by the week. Because it was after the deadline for housing applications, he had to stay there as a visiting guest, which was fine because the dorm room would be furnished and the price was much cheaper than any hotel he could find.

And so Eren thanked Levi for everything, apologized for imposing on him, and took off, a little sad that he wasn’t going to see Levi again.

For a moment, Eren could delude himself into thinking that Levi was sorry to see him leave as well.

 

 

 

 

It took Eren one week to feel absolutely disappointed.

The earth science class and the intro to programming class that he signed up for were a joke. Eren had heard his mother complain about the American educational system, but he didn’t know it was this bad until now.

Worse, he didn’t get along with his classmates. They liked him alright, but he could only take so much surprise at the fact that his native language was Chinese or variations of “If you’re from China, why are you white?” or plain looks of disapproval from the Taiwanese students when he accidentally mentioned that Taiwan was a part of China before he exploded.

Eren missed Levi’s easy acceptance when Eren first told him where he was from.

More importantly, it became clear to Eren that the students fell into two categories: domestic students taking easy classes to get easy units and international students on vacation, neither of which he belonged to.

He wanted to be challenged. He wanted his summer to be worth something. Instead he felt bored and lonelier than ever because there was so much eating out and going downtown and shopping and sightseeing with the international students that he could take before his money ran out. His parents made good money, but not that good.

And so Eren took on a hobby by complete accident.

He jogged around campus every morning. He was first introduced to it by a group of American students, but they dropped the computer course and Eren began jogging without partners. He changed route every two days, and the run gave him a chance to become familiar with the area.

It was on one of these runs that Eren discovered the city park.

It took him a few afternoons walking around the park to find out about the two stray cats there.

Living with prone-to-allergy parents in their apartment complex in Beijing meant that Eren’s want for a pet was often thwarted. He had always looked at his friends’ pets with envy, and because it was highly unlikely that he was ever going to get a pet, Eren felt that he was quite justified when he squashed down to knee level making cooing noises at the tabby perching on a park bench.  

The tabby blinked at him, its tail upright, its nose twitching in curiosity. When Eren reached for his backpack, it stepped back, eyes wary, and began walking away when he took out the sandwich bag.

Eren swallowed down his disappointment, but he took out the turkey meat from the sandwich anyway and placed it on the ground, silently pleading for the tabby to understand.

The tabby looked at him, then at the meat on the ground, still hesitant. Eren’s heart ached for its malnourished body and disheveled fur, and he barely managed to clamp down on making a gleeful noise when the cat approached the meat and began nibbling on it.

And that was how Eren began to frequent the city park.

Cats were better company than people, Eren thought.

 

 

 

 

About a week and a half in, Levi caught him feeding the stray cats.

“What are you doing?”

Eren glanced up to see Levi, thankfully not wearing that hideous mouse shirt but a black one tucked in a gray hoodie jacket and dark jeans that were probably kind on his ass if it were in Eren’s view. Levi was a lot handsomer, all cleaned up, the better fitting clothes showing off more of his strong body than Eren was comfortable with.

There was a question of why Levi was wearing a hoodie jacket when it was a hot summer day, but he ignored that. People had their strange habits.

Eren cleared his throat and said, “I’m feeding them.” He gestured to the two cats busy eating from the plastic bowls that he got from the dollar store. “What are you doing here?” he asked, although the question was redundant because Levi was carrying two paper bags of groceries in both hands.

“How long have you been feeding them?”

“Every day?”

Levi made a disapproving noise at the back of his throat. At the sound, Eren said defensively. “I just want to help them. They were so hungry and alone.”

“And what will happen to them one day if you’re gone?” Levi asked, and it was the first time Eren heard such hostility from him. “What will happen to them when you become another human who abandons them, like their previous owners?”

Eren felt his face heat up in shame, but he stood his ground. “I couldn’t watch them starve.”

“But you’re making them dependent on you to stroke your own ego. When you leave, the ones who will get hurt would be them.”

“I never meant to harm the cats,” Eren scowled. “I don’t know a lot about cats because I couldn’t have one, but I’ve always wanted one. I like these cats, and I’m feeding them because I want them to be happier, not because I’m seeking anything for myself.”

“How kind of you to not let them learn to fend for themselves,” Levi said dryly, and Eren wondered what type of person Levi was for thinking that it was kinder to let the cats starve. He couldn’t reconcile this person in front of him with the person who helped him when he didn’t have a place to stay for the night.

“It’s hard to be on your own.” Eren rose to his feet, and next to him, the cats raised their heads in alarm. He approached Levi until they were face to face. “I get it. But I also know that it’s a lot less scary with kind help, and I know this because when I was lost, you helped me.”

Levi stared at Eren, stunned in silence.   

“I can’t leave these cats like this for as long as I’m here,” Eren softened his voice. There was something strangely fragile about the way Levi held himself even though his face gave away nothing. For a moment, Eren was reminded of the orange stray that ran from him just last week, watching him cautiously until it gradually warmed up to him.  

“You weren’t a stray,” Levi said at last. “You have people waiting for you.”

“Yeah,” Eren admitted. “But you would have helped me regardless.”

“You don’t know that. You don’t know me.”

“I don’t,” Eren said. “But I just want you to know that your help meant a lot to me.”

“You don’t even know how to take care of cats properly,” Levi said. Eren knew that he was changing the focus of the conversation on purpose.  

“I could learn.”

Levi’s lips thinned into a harsh line. Eren knew that no matter what, there was no chance of convincing him it was a good idea to feed the strays. Whatever reservation Levi had, it was something that ran deeper than what Eren could understand as only an acquaintance.

Finally, Levi brushed past him. “Do whatever you want.”

That stung more than Eren thought it would. He stomped on his pride and turned around to watch Levi’s retreating back; his lungs felt like they were stretched too tight.

And that was how Eren thought he wouldn’t see Levi again, and was proven wrong later.

 

 

 

 

After that unsettling reunion with Levi, Eren went and did research. He read about the difference between pet cats and stray cats and feral cats. He read about how to handle a stray cat. He read about finding the cats’ owner. He read about animal shelters.

He had to admit that Levi was right. He was only here for a short amount of time. He shouldn’t make the cats dependent on him and then just leave. It wasn’t right.

But he still didn’t agree with Levi that he should leave the cats alone completely.

 

 

 

 

There was a new stray at the park.

After his confrontation with Levi at the park, Eren began to carry a cat magazine everywhere he went like it was his life guide. He bought them for about fifty cents at the public library’s used bookstore, and his modest collection consisted of whatever issue happened to be available there.

He was thumbing through the August 2010 issue when he spotted him.  

“Hello,” Eren said in greeting to the gray cat that approached him. There was no hesitation in its step, no careful sniffling for a possible threat from Eren like the strays he’d met. Already the cat piqued his interest.

It looked at Eren, eyes bright and assessing, before stepping in closer. It was a beautiful cat, sleek gray fur with white fur tucked underneath its neck and brushed over the tip of its tail. There was no collar on him, and his fur was well-kempt. Busy as he was admiring the cat, he belatedly noticed the bar of chocolate in its mouth.

Eren frantically flipped open the magazine to the article that he was going to skip, seeing the red heading flashing “Foods that are hazardous to cats,” with chocolate clearly the bolded second choice. He tucked the magazine back into his backpack and slowly sank down to his knees lest he startle the cat away.  

The cat showed no sign that he was afraid of Eren. He watched Eren closely, and if Eren could read cat eye language he would say that the cat was amused.

“Do you want to let go of that chocolate bar?” Eren said, feeling silly in his attempt to talk to a cat. “Chocolate is bad for cats if you don’t know.”

“Chocolate has,” he paused in a struggle to remember the article, and because the cat was adorable, he couldn’t help the high pitch in his tone. “Caffeine and theobromine, and they’re both very icky okay?”

Eren didn’t know it was possible for a cat to look like it wanted to laugh, but this cat managed it spectacularly. He had to admit that the high pitch was too much.

Alright, no more high pitch noises.

Rather than letting go of the chocolate bar, this cat seemed content in settling down where he was and waiting for Eren’s next attempt at making a fool of himself. He tilted his head as if challenging Eren to take the chocolate bar from him.

“Okay,” Eren sighed. It was silly to think that the cat was purposely giving him a hard time, but at the same time, it was a very tempting thought.

A cat, Eren reminded himself. This was a cat. Not a human. The cat wasn’t purposely teasing him. That was silly.

“I could give you something better than chocolate?” Eren reached for the sandwich that he had left over from lunch. “How about some bread?” He dangled it in front of the cat before he remembered the article. “No. No, not bread. Bread is bad for you too. Wait. Or was it bread dough?”

Eren scrambled for the magazine again. Bread dough, not bread. Right.

To be safe, he put the bread completely away.

The cat showed no sign of budging or letting go of his chocolate.

“How about ham? Cats like meat, right?” He waved the piece of ham up and down, hoping for any sign of interest the way a feline would react to a moving toy. But the cat did no such thing. It tilted its head and widened its eyes in almost a mocking manner, and if Eren was a cat mind reader, he would say that the cat was thinking, “ _Cats like meat? Why don’t you tell me?_ ”

“Cats like meat,” Eren said firmly. “You can’t fool me. The cat foods at the store are meat flavored, and I watch enough nature shows to know wild cats eat meat.”

The cat showed no response or interest in Eren’s impressive knowledge of felines.

“Lettuce?” Eren offered weakly. Then, swallowing his pride, he mustered up his most childish high pitch voice, and to the great embarrassment to himself, singsonged. “Tomato? Come on, I know you like _tomatoooo_.”

A bunch of people passed by, giving him strange looks.

Eren flushed.

There were worse things than being thought crazy by strangers.

“Onion? Wait, onion is bad for you too…”

By this point the cat looked like it pitied him, and Eren didn’t know it was possible that he could reach a new low in his life where he would be pitied by a stray cat that didn’t know it was going to poison itself.    

“Hey, chocolate is really bad for you.” Eren reached out a hand. “Give it to me and I will give you something better. How about some catnip? Cats like catnip.”

The cat’s ears twitched in interest then, and Eren grinned. “I’ll give you a lot of catnips. You like catnips. Yes you do.”

If Eren dragged out the “do” a little too long, at least no one he knew was around to see him do it.  

However, the cat shook its head like it was affronted at Eren’s behavior. If cats could let out a long suffering sigh, this one would do it in a heartbeat. Then, giving Eren what could only be described as a long suffering look, the cat set the chocolate bar down on the ground, not even close to Eren’s awaiting hand.

Well, at least the cat was out of imminent danger, although a small voice in his head was telling him that perhaps the cat was never in danger; he just wanted to make Eren suffer.

“Good kitty,” Eren said anyway even though he didn’t really think so, and true to his thought, when he tried to pet the cat, it swiveled out of his reach and haughtily walked away.

 

 

 

 

Despite his better judgment, Eren named the two strays that hung out in the park with him. They were comfortable enough with him by now to rub against his legs whenever they wanted to beg for more food, and despite Eren’s intention of being firm he was weak to their pitifully adorable meowing.

“You’ll be Striker,” Eren stroke the tabby cat’s head gently. He closed his eyes and blinked them open and closed his eyes every time Eren’s finger brushed over his ear.

“And you.” Eren turned to the orange cat that curled herself over his shoes. “You’re Ginger.”

Ginger purred in approval, and then she rolled off Eren’s shoes onto the ground, twisting and turning her back on the grass and pawing at the butterfly that fluttered over her nose. Striker watched her with cautious eyes. He hopped down from the bench and approached Ginger slowly, enough such that Ginger noticed his presence and rolled back upright, her elbows planted on the ground.

Ginger ignored the butterfly completely.

Striker took a few steps then stopped, looking around like he was trying to hide the fact that he wanted to play with Ginger, but then his eyes were drawn to Ginger again seeking approval.

Ginger had one of the best poker faces Eren had ever seen, but her posture was open and friendly and patient. Striker was a shy one, taking a few steps, pausing, then turned as if he was going to walk away, but nevertheless kept padding slowly to Ginger despite his reservation.

Ginger waited until he was close, and kept waiting until he touched his nose to her forehead, sniffing, darting his tongue out to brush her fur. She brushed her nose between his eyes in return, and then her tongue darted out, gently giving his forehead two quick licks.

Striker closed his eyes in contentment. Behind him, his tail stood tall, flicking back and forth. The two went on their ways of course, but the aloof air between them warmed to a friendlier one.

Eren smiled.

He looked down the path where he met the gray cat the other day and hoped that he would come back.

 

 

 

 

The next time Eren bumped into Levi was about a week later, on campus.

Eren was stapling found cat posters on the bulletin board in front of the university’s café when a familiar voice called out, “What are you doing now?”

He stapled the last corner of the poster before turning to Levi’s exasperated expression. “I’m putting up posters for the cats,” he explained. “You were right. I can’t feed them and then leave them like that.”

“You really think that people will come for them?” Levi asked incredulously, and Eren wondered if Levi’s faith in humans was so low.

“I don’t know,” Eren admitted. Even if he was more optimistic than Levi, he knew that if these cats were abandoned, it was unlikely that their owners would come back. He hoped that the cats were just lost, however, and that there was still a place for them to return to. “I have to try and do something.”

Something changed in the way Levi was looking at him. The shift was subtle, but it was there. Even Levi’s voice was different when he spoke, “Give me some of those posters. I’ll put them on the bulletin in the science complex and the pet store near my place.”   

“Thank you.” Eren smiled, and then Levi was staring at him again. Then, as if he just realized that he was staring, Levi looked away.

“I have to go get lunch.”

“Oh!” Eren knew an opportunity when he saw one. “Why don’t we get lunch together? I could pay you back for putting me up for a night.”   

“It’s not necessary.”

“I insist.”

Levi looked like he wanted to refuse the offer, so Eren pushed. “I don’t like to be indebted to someone.”

The mention of debt seemed to do the trick because Levi agreed. He wasn’t a man who liked to be indebted to people then. He was uncomfortable when Eren expressed gratefulness for his help, Eren remembered.

“Interesting,” Eren thought and then asked Levi where he wanted to get lunch.

Levi was still wearing the same gray hoodie jacket that Eren saw him wore before.

It was really hot today. Eren frowned.

 

 

 

 

The university café had a beautiful welcoming interior despite its callous exterior. Small rows of tables squeezed against each other, their metallic surface glinted under the circular lighting imbedded in sleek wooden panels on the ceiling. The modern design would have felt so impersonal and cold had it not been for the age worn posters along the wall and the frenzied array of newspaper articles and cartoon arts crowded in between.

“Are cafes different in Beijing?” Levi asked.

“I don’t go to cafes,” Eren admitted, eyeing the students huddling over the laptops and textbooks, a group of students talking over a poster spread over two small tables. “They’re not a place where students gather to study like here, and my dad prefers tea.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Eren smiled. The thought of home cut sharply through him, and he had to take a breath before continuing. “He usually drinks tea and plays mahjong with the older folks who go to the teahouse several streets down from our apartment.” Eren used to go fetch his father from the teahouse, a small place with a patio filled with bamboo tables and chairs, cigarette smoke warmed the chilly air and sunflower seeds scattered on the floor.

“What is mahjong?” Levi asked, and Eren’s grin stretched wide across his face, knowing that he didn’t need to worry about awkward silence between them.

Eren got a chicken salad sandwich and Levi got a tuna melt. Levi must frequent this place because the person at the register knew him by name, and he even suggested to Eren that he should get the freshly squeezed orange juice.

“The batch of oranges they receive in the summer is much sweeter than any other they receive the entire year,” Levi explained.

Levi was right.

Lunch turned out to be a lot more pleasant than Eren expected. He told Levi about his father’s work (Levi was especially interested about that), his mother as a teacher (and how Eren refused to go to the school she was teaching at first, but relented), how they once vacationed in Hong Kong and Eren got sick from the seafood (Levi was amused but more surprised at finding out that there had to be a visa process to go from to Hong Kong), about the good air days and the bad air days (not like the pictures of Beijing washed in gray via google).  

Levi listened to Eren ramble about almost everything about his life, and not once did he look put off or uncomfortable or worse, utterly bored with the place that Eren considered home. He didn’t speak much in return, but was very attentive.

Despite his reservation, when his rambling came to a close, Eren admitted softly, “But I never completely belonged there even though it’s my country.” He had friends at the international school, like Mikasa who was a hafty, and Sadhil whose parents were from Mumbai, but despite carrying the air of someone who lived there for a long time, he still got approached by scammers who hunt down foreigners more than others (all of whom backed off once he began speaking without an accent of course; the more unexperienced one would keep pushing).

Levi didn’t have anything to say about that either, but his eyes were sympathetic.

In turn, Levi talked about himself, albeit reluctantly. He talked about wanting to travel, the one semester Dr. Smith needed someone who knew what they were doing to set up demonstrations for the introductory course in electricity and magnetism and Levi had to do it, the really annoying assistant professor Hanji who enjoyed breaking everything to make his life hell. He briefly mentioned that he had to hop from job to job, but Eren knew not to pry because Levi’s face became stormy as he said it.

Levi also never mentioned family.

When they got to topic of classes, Eren admitted that he was bored with the two classes he signed up for during the summer.

Levi scoffed. “Of course. You should be. The real classes started as early as May, right after the semester ends, and they are usually for students who are staying for the year.”

That made a lot of sense. “The students in my classes are here for a vacation rather than to study.”

Levi looked thoughtful. “If you want, I can send you a list of classes that you can sit in. You missed a lot of material coming in now, but if you want a challenge, it’s better to go.”

“Thank you,” Eren said, looking at Levi with wonder. “I think you’re my first friend here.”

Levi jerked slightly at the word ‘friend,’ and then he cleared his throat and ducked his head. He handed Eren his phone. “You should give me your contact information. I’ll send the list to you.”

“I don’t have a phone,” Eren said. “I can give you my email.”

“That’ll be fine.”

Eren then asked Levi about setting up a temporary cellphone service, and Levi suggested a pay as you go service since Eren was only going to be here for another month and a half. Eren silently thought that Levi would be the only one on his contact list, so there was no point for a phone, but it would be nice for emergency purposes.

They parted ways because Levi had to get back to work, and Eren had to go to class. Before Levi left, however, Eren asked. “Will I see you again?”

Levi didn’t say anything at first, and Eren’s heart fell because Levi probably was trying to find a polite way to brush him off.

But Eren beamed when Levi said simply, “Yeah.”

 

 

 

 

True to his word, Levi did send Eren the list.

Eren stared at the simple salutation “Best” and the name underneath, “Levi” longer than he should.

 

 

 

 

Interestingly, the first class that Eren checked out from the list turned out to be a fluid dynamics class taught by the Dr. Smith that Levi mentioned.

Levi was absolutely right. Eren couldn’t even feel bored because his brain was scrambling, trying to catch up with the material that he missed and the new knowledge that was begging for him to process through. It was a math-heavy course, and although math was once Eren’s weak point he was determined to prove that it no longer was.

That evening, he emailed Levi right away, gushing about the class.

“You’re welcome” was Levi’s simple reply.

 

 

 

 

The next time, Levi came to him, and their meeting at the park was not an accident by any means. Eren knew because the first thing Levi said to him was, “I thought I would find you here.”

Eren stopped scratching Ginger behind her ears and let his hand drop to his side, glancing up with a smile to Levi standing in front of him. “You caught me.”

From the few times that they had met, Eren realized that Levi must reserve his terrifying wardrobe for at home because he never saw hideous mouse shirts and any clothing derivatives appear when they met in public. Levi was wearing a nice polo and khaki slacks, and of course, his usual gray hoodie jacket, but he still looked more polished than the day Eren first saw him.

“I miss your ugly shirt,” Eren blurted out before his thoughts took a turn they shouldn’t in public.

Levi raised an eyebrow.

“The one with mice on it,” Eren clarified.

“I don’t have any ugly shirt,” Levi said slowly, and Eren highly doubted that Levi didn’t know what an abomination it was because clearly he wasn’t going to wear it in public, but he let that slide.

“So.” Eren cleared his throat. “Are you taking a walk?” A walk to a very specific part of the park to find him, but he didn’t say that aloud.

“I wanted to tell you something actually,” Levi said. Before he could speak, Striker, the tabby, walked up to Eren and rubbed his face against Eren’s leg.

Eren laughed and scratched Striker behind his ear. “You can’t have any more food,” he told the cat, but it meowed and kept rubbing against him affectionately. “Sorry, Striker is very touchy.”

“You named him?” Levi asked.

“Yeah.” Eren flushed. “This is Striker.” He gestured to the tabby. “And the orange cat is Ginger.”

“You named the orange cat Ginger?” Levi said flatly. “How imaginative.”

“She likes the name.”

“Right.” Levi’s face was blank, but his tone was warm. Eren felt the back of his neck heat up under Levi’s eyes, and he quickly tried to divert his thoughts to things other than the fantasy of Levi’s gaze in more private settings. “So, the other day I found another stray.”

“Did you?”

“Yeah.” Eren looked down the path where the gray cat had come to him last week. “He’s this gray cat with a bit of white fur under his collar. He has the most beautiful coat of fur that I’ve ever seen. Have you seen him around?”

Levi stiffened, but Eren could have imagined it. “I might have.”

“He’s not going to come back, is he?” Eren said wistfully.

“What would you do if he comes back?” Levi asked. He shifted his weight to his other foot.

“Give him food,” Eren said. “And if he comes back again, I’ll give him a name.”

Levi let out a snort, but it wasn’t mocking. His eyes were still friendly. “And what name would you give him?”

“Annoying Brat,” Eren said. When Levi raised an eyebrow, he explained. “He was making fun of me when we first met.”

Maybe The Joker, in honor of the Batman series.

“How can you tell?” Levi was very close to a smile. “And for a cat with the most beautiful fur you’ve ever seen, doesn’t he deserve a better name?”

“Okay,” Eren said, although he was sure the bratty cat deserved what he got. Nevertheless, his mind scrambled for a good name. “Ash?” He got to his feet so that he was standing shoulder to shoulder with Levi. “What do you think?”

“You should do better.”

“Shadow?”

“Not very interesting.”

Eren thought about the slender body and quick, bold movements, sure and confident. “Quicksilver,” he said.

“That’s not half bad.”

“It’s a great name and you know it.”

That earned a smile from Levi then, and he felt his chest clench painfully at the sight.

Eren coughed. “So, what did you want to talk to me about?”

Levi’s face fell then. “Oh, I just want to tell you that I put up the poster at the pet store by my apartment, and the owner for Striker—” He halted in his tracks, then corrected himself, “for Mr. Darcy contacted me.”

“Oh.” Eren’s voice was barely a whisper. He told himself that this was what he wanted, the cats to find their home once more, but his heart still felt like it was being crushed no matter what he tried to tell himself. He couldn’t help thinking about how Striker was the first cat that he found and one of the first friends that he had ever made here. Striker who warmed up to him within a day of their acquaintance, and made Eren felt just that less lonely.  

“I shouldn’t have given them names,” Eren said.

“If it makes you feel any better, think about how Striker is a much better name than Mr. Darcy,” Levi said.

Eren snorted. He did feel a little bit better.

 

 

 

 

Mr. Darcy’s owner was a young girl named Sasha, and she wouldn’t stop thanking Eren and Levi for finding her cat. She was so happy to have Mr. Darcy back, and Mr. Darcy was so obviously happy to return to her that Eren couldn’t even find it in himself to feel sad that he wouldn’t see Mr. Darcy again. Eren insisted that he didn’t want a reward despite her insistence, and Levi kept a distance from the two of them for reasons that Eren didn’t understand.

“Are you okay?” Eren asked when Sasha left.

“I should be the one to ask you that,” Levi said.

“I’m happy that he has a home.” Eren shrugged. No matter how much he loved Mr. Darcy, he had to admit that he could not provide what the cat needed. He hoped that Ginger would find her home too.

Eren realized that it wasn’t just a matter of him helping the cats. They had helped him too, by being his friends in their own way.

As if making up for Mr. Darcy’s absence, Levi came to the park every day. He was content with watching Eren and Ginger, but as much as Eren enjoyed his presence, he was worried that Levi was bored.

“You don’t have to keep me company,” Eren said. “I’m a little sad that Mr. Darcy isn’t around, but I still have Ginger.”

Levi gave him a look that was ‘who said I’m here to comfort you?’ and ‘you’re shitting me’ all at once.

“It’s a public park,” Levi said. “I can come here whenever I want.”

Eren bit back a smile. Even he knew that was a weak excuse.

“Thank you for the class list,” Eren said rather than pushing on the subject. “I don’t think I will be taking all of them, but I will keep the fluid mechanics and the circuit class in mind.”

Levi sounded almost shy as he said, “I really liked those classes when I took them,” and that alone nearly pushed Eren into praising those classes to high heavens.

“I could see why,” Eren said instead.

They talked for hours every afternoon that Levi came to the park not-to-see Eren (Eren never pushed the topic because he didn’t want to spook Levi away, as much as he didn’t want to treat Levi like he would a stray cat).

About a week later, as Eren hoped, Ginger’s owner came for her too.

Blessedly, Ginger’s real name was Nova, which was much better than what Eren and Levi guessed it would be.

 

 

 

 

The summer before Eren’s trip to America, he asked his mother for permission even though he already began the paperwork.

When she wasn’t busy being a school teacher his mother translated scientific documents from Chinese to English and vice versa. Her undergrad degree in chemical biology allowed her that. Carla didn’t talk about herself often, but Eren knew that she was on track to become a doctor, was absolutely miserable in her undergrad, and the summer before medical school, went to China for an internship and decided to leave the medical school path forever. She told Eren she never regretted it, and her family’s disappointment only encouraged her. Being the only woman in her family to finish college had taken a toll on her, and after four years of upholding the family pride she finally asked herself what she wanted, and what she wanted was not medical school. It was that simple.

Eren inherited the same restlessness from her. He hated being placed on a path made by others. He knew he could do it, the path that his parents wanted, but constantly within him would be the war between his parents’ love and what he loved, and it would only be a matter of time before he sacrificed one for the other.

“You want to go far away,” Carla said.

“Yes,” Eren said. “I can’t stay in one place forever, and you know that.” With the additional construction of more train lines, the family had already stayed long passed Eren’s comfort zone. He wanted to go.

“You probably want to go as far away from us as possible,” his mother joked, but there was half-truth in her words.

“I do.” Already he felt too settled. The occasional trip to Germany wasn’t enough. His parents were talking about him getting a girlfriend and living happily in one place, and Eren needed to leave.

“Sometimes I wonder,” his mother paused, placing down the copy of China Daily to take a sip of coffee. “We’ve been moving from place to place, and somehow that has instilled in you the fear of being too attached to a place, and now you can’t live in one place anymore.”

Perhaps. Eren had insisted during high school that he go to a school in Beijing while his parents were living in Shanghai after some stifling years under his parents’ roof.

But Eren knew there was more than that. He knew ever since he was thirteen and accidentally stumbled out that he liked guys to his mother, only to retract and say that he _could_ date a girl, that there is a finite possibility that his mother would be a grandmother someday. In that moment, Eren understood that he couldn’t stay. He knew the more his parents talked about what they wanted for him, what his future family would be like, what kind of career he could have, more and more that the distance wasn’t enough.

“There’s nothing wrong with not getting attached to one place too much,” Eren decided to say. There was nothing wrong with wanting to be free, wanting to leave the desire of making personal sacrifices to become attached to people.

His mother was silent for a while. She finished up her coffee—a nice blend that his father bought from one of his trips to Vietnam—and clasped her hands together on the table. The sharp scent from the coffee with a hint of flowers and vanilla hovered in the air.

“No, there isn’t,” his mother agreed, surprising Eren. “I should know.”

It was as close to an approval as he was ever going to get because Eren knew how much his mother was fighting against her desire to keep him close. He took what he could get.

Eren never felt the need to stay in one place for anyone. And he thought that he never would.

 

 

 

 

Without the cats, Eren had no reason to return to the park, but he did anyway. He was prepared to sulk by the usual bench where he used to feed Mr. Darcy and Nova, so he was surprised to see Levi sitting there already.

“Hey,” Eren said. “What are you doing here?” His heart raced despite his mind telling him that there was no way Levi was here for him.

“I didn’t think you would come. The cats are not here anymore.” Levi shrugged. He didn’t meet Eren’s eyes.

It didn’t answer Eren’s question.

“Maybe Quicksilver would come back,” Eren said.

“You’re waiting for him?”

“Well, no,” Eren admitted. He didn’t think Quicksilver liked him enough to come back. “But if he wants to come back, I’ll be here.”

Levi’s eyes were intense and familiar, and Eren felt his ears beginning to heat up under their scrutiny. “He might come back.”

“You think so?”

“For you.” Levi flicked his thumb against his index finger. A nervous habit perhaps. “He might.”

“I hope he does.”

Eren’s heart thumped wildly as their eyes met, neither of them willing to break the gaze. Levi’s eyes were not as dark as he remembered; they were a coffee color under the afternoon sunlight that scattered off his sharp cheekbones and the edge of his jawline. What Eren mistook the first time as darkness was actually deepness.

They had seen each other before, but Eren hungrily drank in every detail of Levi that he could get his eyes on anyway, from the rolled up plaid shirt to the end of the row of buttons where the shirt parted to reveal a narrow hip hugged by a black belt, golden buckle shining under the sun.    

Levi straightened from his slouch against the park bench, and the loose shirt covered up his hip. Eren tore his eyes away and kept them on Levi’s face.

Levi looked torn. Finally, he said. “Do you have any plans tonight?”

Eren shook his head.

 

 

 

 

Compared to the off-campus dorm down south, the area around Levi’s apartment was much nicer. However, neither area could even compare to the neighborhood that rolled out in front of Eren’s sight from the bus window. Where Eren’s dorm was concrete and loud music from the frat houses, Levi’s place was bushes and small decorative trees and apartment buildings, this neighborhood was tall trees and large houses with actual yard and garages and families pushing their strollers. It looked terribly like American TV and too grown up for Eren’s or Levi’s taste. Eren wanted to ask Levi if they were lost only to be nudged off the bus with a hand that felt too hot against his back.

“We’re here,” Levi said firmly before Eren could ask if they got the wrong address.    

“So you said that we’re going to your friend’s housewarming party?” Eren said hesitantly as they passed an old couple walking their dogs. He was under the impression that because Levi was a student, he was around Eren’s age, and so were his friends. “How old are you?”

“Firstly, I don’t have friends,” Levi gave him an irritated look, something between ‘ _why does that matter?_ ’ and ‘ _you’re only asking now?_ ’ Finally, he answered. “Secondly? I’m twenty-seven.”

He would protest Levi’s claim that he didn’t have friends because what was Eren then? Instead, he was busy being shocked with the revelation of Levi’s age.

“You are?” Eren nearly stumbled onto the street, but Levi caught him by his arm. Before Eren could enjoy the touch, Levi drew back. “I thought you were younger because you said you’re a student.”

“I worked for a while before I decided to go to school,” Levi shrugged. He glanced sharply at Eren. “Is this going to be a problem?”

“No, of course not,” Eren said too quickly, and Levi narrowed his eyes. “I was surprised, I’m sorry.”

Levi seemed to be satisfied with that answer.

Eren let out an internal whistle. Wow, Levi was nine years older than him. Still, that explained a lot of things about Levi.

His eyes trailed to Levi’s undercut, a feature that made him look distinctly young like the more hip people of Eren’s age, but the confident way that Levi carried himself, years of life experience filling out the spaces of his presence where someone Eren’s age would have been empty still and in the process of developing, suggested otherwise.

Eren wondered if Levi felt lonely, belonging to neither crowd, not the younger people on the same track as him or the older folks who already finished the path he’d just started. It made him think of himself, how he couldn’t completely fit in with the Americans that he resembled physically but he couldn’t completely fit in with the Chinese that he shared a childhood with either. It was a lonely place that Eren had to fight harder than others to get out of, and suddenly he was more interested in this house warming party. He wanted to see the kind of place that Levi had carved for himself.

Eren spoke before he could stop himself. “So no friends and no family. You’re like a stray cat.”

Levi stopped in his tracks, and Eren nearly fell when he crashed against Levi’s back. Levi snapped around to stare at him, and the intensity of his gaze had Eren stepping back a couple paces.

Eren wondered if he offended Levi by what he said, but Levi didn’t look angry. He seemed contemplative, and his voice had a strange note to it as he said, “You’re more perceptive than I gave you credit for.”

“What?”

But Levi turned away from him and gestured to the large townhouse in front of them.

“We’re here.”

 

 

 

 

Despite Levi’s insistence that Eren didn’t have to bring any gift, it wasn’t until Levi said that the bottle of wine that he bought would be fine for them both that Eren agreed to come along without bringing a gift. He made a vow to pay Levi back for it later even though he knew Levi was counting on him forgetting.

“Levi, you came.” Dr. Smith greeted them at the door, and Eren blinked. This was Levi’s friend? “This is a surprise. You never come to anything that I organized.”

“Because they’re all pointless. A housewarming party?” Levi handed Dr. Smith the bottle of Riesling. “You had one two years ago.”

“That was for an apartment. Things have changed.” Erwin turned to Eren with an outstretched hand. “I just got married,” he whispered conspiratorially to Eren. “Levi’s just jealous that no one could stand him enough to marry him. I’m Erwin.”

“Eren,” Eren said, a little overwhelmed that he was on a first name basis with a lecturer. A part of him wanted to call Erwin ‘doctor’ anyway for respect’s sake, but wouldn’t it be rude? He looked at Levi pleadingly. Catching Eren’s expression, Dr. Smith looked at Levi.

Levi sighed. “He’s sitting in your class right now.”

Erwin caught on quickly. “Please call me Erwin. There’s no formality here in my house.”

Alright, Erwin then.

Erwin let go of Eren’s hand and led them into the house. It was a beautiful home of large stone-like bricks wearing an off-white coat of paint, spacious with wooden floors and doors with heavy brass knobs. The living room felt large even with the huge party of people inside, and Erwin stepped aside to let them walk in first.

“Please, make yourself at home, mingle with the other guests if you feel comfortable, there’s refreshment in the living room. And,” he turned back to them. “There is a cat here is you’re allergic, but she’s upstairs and she won’t cause a problem.”

“I don’t mind the cat,” Eren said. “I wish I could have one.”

Somehow, that got Erwin’s full attention. Eren squirmed under his gaze as he spoke, “Are you—” Erwin paused, cautious of his words. “Are you Levi’s cat whisperer?”

“Erwin, your stupid husband is looking for you.” Levi pushed at Erwin’s shoulder before Eren could reply.

“I’m sorry. What?”

“Ignore him,” Levi hissed to Eren, while Erwin waved at someone.

“Mike! Come and meet Levi’s cat whisperer.”

A tall blond man with floppy hair that covered his eyes pushed past the crowd and approached them. His mustache twitched comically as he introduced himself. “I’m Mike.”

Judging from the possessive arm that Erwin slid around Mike’s waist, this must be Erwin’s husband. Eren tried not to stare too much.

“This is Eren. He’s Levi’s cat whisperer,” Erwin said.

“Stop it, Erwin,” Levi scowled.

“Nice to meet you.” Eren shook Mike’s hand. “Can I ask what you mean by cat whisperer?” And Levi’s, for that matter.

Erwin was about to speak, but then a warning look from Levi stopped him. He coughed as if to gather his composure then said, “Levi told us about you helping the two stray cats in the park.”

“You smell like a cat person,” Mike said.

Eren stared at him.

“I have a good nose,” Mike said.

“And he won’t stop reminding people of it,” Levi huffed.

No one explained the cat whisperer thing any further, nor did anyone clarify why Eren was Levi’s someone all of a sudden. Eren suspected that Levi’s death glare was the reason, but since he wasn’t in the mood to suffer, he let the others steer the conversation away.

Once Eren got over the unease with addressing Erwin and Mike like they were on the same level, he talked a lot more. Erwin and Mike were curious about his background, and when he told them, they gave him the same easy acceptance that Levi had, although not with the same level of interest as Levi’s. They were kind, and they tried to make Eren feel as welcome as they could.

Dinner was served in the kitchen area and the backyard, where Erwin was grilling meat on an outdoor grille. As the evening rolled by, Eren mastered the art of balancing a paper plate, cup, and fork in his arms as he weaved through the party with Levi, striking up conversation here and there with some of the people who seemed excited that Levi showed.

As the evening cooled down from dusty lavender to a dark purple, Eren retired to the corner of the patio looking over the yard, waiting for Levi to return from the bathroom. The scent of grilled meat and smoke filled the air, but there was also moisture tickling his nose. Eren wondered if it would rain this evening.

“Bored?”

Levi moved to stand beside him, leaning his elbows against the wooden handrail.

“Not at all,” Eren said. “Everyone is friendly.” The group of children in the yard was playing tag now, ducking from their hiding place behind one adult to another. Just an hour ago they were shyly looking at one another, gauging for potential as a playmate. They reminded Eren of Striker and Ginger at one point, and the longing didn’t feel as sharp as it used to with Levi’s shoulder bumping against his arm.   

“You’re enjoying yourself?”

“I am,” said Eren. He was uncomfortable at first because almost everyone was older, more sure of themselves, in relationships, having _kids_ , discussing politics that he wasn’t familiar with, but it had been a while since he was surrounded by people aside from classes, and it was nice in a way.  

Plus, Levi was beside him the entire evening.

This was the space that Levi carved for himself, Eren thought. This space that felt like home.

He had to reevaluate his earlier assessment that Levi was a stray cat.

After another thirty minutes, Eren regretfully admitted that he had an early review session, and they left the party.

“I didn’t know Dr. Smith was married,” Eren said, breaking their silent walk to Eren’s dorm. After a bus ride back to the campus area, Levi insisted that he see Eren home safely, and Eren didn’t mind the company.

“He doesn’t like to mention personal business at work,” Levi said. The air was much colder now; the moisture more noticeable without the smoke of the barbeque. It was probably going to rain tonight. “What’s wrong?”

Eren jerked at the touch on his shoulder, and Levi withdrew his hand. “Nothing. It’s—” He stumbled over the thoughts in his head. “I’ve never seen a man marrying another man before.” There was that couple in Tiananmen Square many years ago, but Eren had never seen a same-sex couple so openly comfortable in reality. Erwin and Mike gave each other casual touches, an arm around a waist or a kiss now and then, in front of many guests without reservation, and Eren admitted that it took a lot of will power not to stare.

“Do you have a problem with it?” Levi’s voice was sharp and protective.

“No no, of course not,” Eren said. The opposite, rather. Perhaps something about his quick answer sounded suspicious because Levi narrowed his eyes. “I’m not used to seeing a couple like that.” Eren’s gut clenched at the mistrust on Levi’s face.

Levi didn’t say anything to that as they kept walking in strained silence. Soon enough they reached the front gate of Eren’s dorm, and Eren was torn between relief to be free of this tension and unease that they would end on such a bad note today.

“Levi—”

“Eren—”

They both stopped.

“You go first,” Levi said.

Now that he had Levi’s complete and undivided attention, everything he wanted to say escaped him. “Never mind, you go first.”

It was the first time that Eren saw a nervous Levi. The emotion lingered only for a few seconds however, and then Levi straightened and squared his shoulders. There was nothing but resolve on his face. “I want to know if me being gay is going to be a problem between us.”

“What?” Eren’s voice came out a bit high for them both, if Levi’s slight wince was an indication.

“I like men, Eren.”

“Oh.” Eren didn’t know what to say. His heart was too loud in his ears, and he knew this was a crucial moment. He had to say the right thing. But, what the right thing to say was, he didn’t know. “I didn’t know.”

“I should go,” Levi said and began to walk away.

“Levi, wait—”

“Good night, Eren. Good luck with your exam.”

“Hey, I’m sorry, okay?”

Levi was about to cross the street when he paused at the edge of the curb. He turned back and looked at Eren.

“Do you know what you’re apologizing for?”

 _No_ , Eren silently replied but he said instead, “I’m sorry for reacting badly.”

The harsh line of Levi’s shoulders softened then, and Eren relaxed at the sight. Levi didn’t look convinced, but at least he wasn’t turning his back on Eren completely.

Eren slowly shuffled toward Levi, anxious that Levi would back away, but he didn’t. He waited patiently for Eren to approach him until Eren was so close that he could feel the earlier tension between them molding to something hot that rushed in through every breath he took and curled itself in his gut.

Levi had to look up at Eren, and Eren finally noticed then that Levi was a head shorter than him. He was surprised that it took him this long to notice, but then again Levi’s presence was always so strong that Eren never thought of Levi as smaller than him. But this close, Eren could see everything that he didn’t notice before, the light peppering of freckles on Levi’s cheek, barely noticeable under the streetlight, the color of his eyes, which were in fact even lighter than he thought. They were very deep, and he couldn’t stop himself from being drawn in.

Those eyes darkened as Eren drew closer, and despite Levi’s attempt to keep his expression neutral Eren could feel the shift as Levi angled his body toward him.

“You’re,” Eren began, but could only finish that sentence in his mind. ‘ _Wonderful. Kind. Everything that I’ve always wanted.’_

Levi placed a gentle touch on Eren’s forearm as if testing his welcome. Eren made an encouraging noise at the back of his throat, and Levi’s touch turned into a grip, tightening as Eren leaned down to close the distance between them inch by inch.

‘ _This is it.’_ Eren realized. This was what they were working up to, ever since that cloudy day when Levi let him stay in his apartment. The memory became stronger with the scent of coming rain in the air.

Levi braced himself on Eren’s arm and tilted his head upward, Eren closing his eyes just in time to feel Levi’s hesitant brush at the corner of his lips.

Eren’s eyes snapped open, just in time to catch the open want on Levi’s face.

He caught Levi’s face in his hands and surged forward to slot their mouths together. Levi wasted no time in responding, wrapping his arms around Eren’s back to pull Eren’s body flush against his. Eren knew that he was a sloppy kisser, getting saliva everywhere between their lips, his tongue clumsily stumbling between not knowing what to do and just pushing forward to take in more and more of Levi.

Levi temporarily broke their kiss, and Eren had a moment to enjoy Levi’s reddened lips and flushed face. Then Levi pulled him back into a kiss, taking the lead this time, and Eren had to keep in a full body shudder as one of Levi’s hand moved to grip the back of his head, tangling his fingers through Eren’s hair.

Eren found out that he liked having his hair pulled more than he should.

Levi jerked under his touch when he slid his hands from Levi’s ribs down to grip his hip. The gliding fingers to the back of Levi’s spine earned Eren a groan into the kiss, but he didn’t have a chance to feel smug about it because Levi pushed his thigh in between Eren’s legs and rolled his body against Eren. It snapped Eren from the kiss, and he tightened his grip on Levi lest he pull away. He rested his too hot forehead against Levi’s, his eyes clenched tightly closed as he tried to get his breathing back in control because that felt too good but it was also too much at once.

When Eren opened his eyes, Levi was staring at him, breathing raggedly.

“Do you know what you’re doing to me?” Eren growled. Levi smirked like he knew exactly what he was doing and not at all ashamed he did it.

Something cold hit the back of his neck, and then more rain droplets began to shower over them. Eren laughed as Levi winced at the droplets against his face and quickly shook his head away, not unlike a cat facing a splash of water. Levi caught himself then and stopped, playfully glaring at Eren.

The heated moment between them was broken, cooled down by the rain into something tender. Levi smiled, for the second time since Eren met him. Eren didn’t think he could ever get tired of this sight. Summer smelled like wet earth and damp asphalt with a sharp touch of lemon and tasted like the bitter apricot from Levi’s lips, a remnant from the dinner wine.

“Would you like to come in?” Eren asked, already knowing the answer before Levi said it, but the firm “Yes” made his heart feel lighter anyway.

 

 

 

 

Eren’s dorm room was messy but retained the impersonal emptiness of a temporary living space—bare walls, no distinct personal touch save for the open suitcase on the floor and a messy pile of empty soda bottles in the corner. The trash was filled to the brim with take-out boxes, and he looked at Levi apologetically at the odor left over from his last to-go meal.

Levi followed Eren’s lead and left his shoes by the door.

“There’s not much, sorry.” Eren zipped up the suitcase and neatly placed it back into the closet, closing the door as quickly as possible lest Levi saw the dirty clothes stuffed inside.

“I didn’t expect that there would be,” Levi said. “Can I crack the window open?”

It wasn’t raining too hard, so it was probably fine. “Sure.”

The warmth of the room had a sobering effect, and it was then that Eren realized he didn’t know what to do now that Levi was in his room.

Well, he had something in mind.

“It’s raining a lot for summer,” Eren said as he shuffled next to Levi.

“The weather is drier come August,” Levi said. Eren stayed on the fourth floor. Below them, the open courtyard was empty. The light spilling from the lamp posts barely reached the edge of the cemented ground where the patch of trees and bushes began. A shout, and then two laughing girls crossed the yard, sharing a jacket over their head to shield from the rain as they made a run for the front door of the dorm building. “August is nice.”

“It’s too bad that I won’t be here for it then,” Eren said.

Levi’s eyes were sad. “Yeah, it is.”

The reminder that their time was limited left Eren with a moment of panic, and he began to speak before his mind could catch up, “Levi, I—” but a tentative touch on his left cheek stopped him completely. Levi cupped Eren’s face in his hand, eyes looking deep into Eren’s like he was trying to search for something. Eren wished he could read what Levi was thinking. He wished he knew if Levi found what he was looking for.

“I like you,” Eren blurted out.

Levi froze. He looked pale under the fluorescence light above, and even paler at Eren’s words. Eren had a feeling that he shouldn’t have said them, but he wanted Levi to know. It would be a lie to say that he didn’t have any expectations, but for now he only needed Levi to know his feelings.

Levi dropped his head on Eren’s chest and let out a deep sigh. Eren froze, trying to keep the full body shudder that threatened to rip through him under control, but he still shook a little despite his effort as Levi’s breaths ghosted over his skin through the single layer of his shirt.

“You’re going to make a stray out of me,” Levi muttered.

Eren didn’t know what that meant.

“The worst part is, I don’t even care.” Levi lifted his head and gave Eren a rueful look. He echoed Eren’s words from earlier. “Do you know what you’re doing to _me_?”

“I might have an idea,” Eren murmured before leaning down to capture Levi’s lips in a quick kiss. He pulled back, wanting to see the expression on Levi’s face. Levi’s eyes fluttered closed and he let out a slow exhale like he was trying to savor the sensation.

Levi opened his eyes slowly. Eren smiled at the sight. A thumb brushed over a dimple at the corner of his mouth.

Levi surged forward for another kiss, and Eren pulled him until Levi’s body was flush against his. Levi slipped his hands under his shirt, gently pushing him toward the bed. Everything felt pleasantly hazy and warm, and Eren’s legs weakened under Levi’s touches. He curled his fingers around Levi’s soft hoodie, ready to tug it off.

“Mmmm,” Eren groaned and broke their kiss. “Wait, Levi.”

The back of his knees hit the edge of the bed. Eren tried to keep balance, but then Levi stumbled on top of him with a yelp of surprise. Eren gasped in surprise as a nearly inhuman force flung him against the bed, knocking all the air from his lungs. Something sharp caught on his bottom lip, and Eren let out a sound of pain.

Levi jerked away from him. Eren gasped at the sudden rush of chill where his body used to be. The cheap bedsprings dug into his back, and he winced as one jabbed at his spine. Reorienting himself back up was a more difficult task than he expected, but he gave himself a firm push from the bed and scooted into a sitting position against the wall.

“Levi?” Eren said.

He blinked.

“Levi?” he asked again, more hesitant this time.

Something was wrong.

“You alright?”

Levi didn’t answer him. Both of his hands were clutching his head, and his eyes were firmly fixed on the ground. His breathing was coming out ragged, and Eren shot from the bed, reaching out for him in concern. “Are you hurt?” he asked, but Levi jumped back as if burned.

“No!”

Eren lurched back. He withdrew his hands, hurt at the sudden sharpness in Levi’s tone. “I’m sorry,” he said, and then frowned when he took another look at Levi.

Upon closer inspection, he noted that Levi wasn’t clutching his head exactly, but rather he was trying to keep something on. Whatever it was, it looked like twin patches of gray fur on either side of his head, and when Eren blinked again they seemed to twitch under Levi’s fingers.

“I have to go.” Levi’s voice was shaking. He turned his back on Eren and quickly made his way to the door.

“Levi wait—” Eren rushed after Levi, but then something gray shot out in front of his vision, and he stopped in his tracks, stunned.

It was—

He wasn’t sure what he was seeing, and before his mind could catch up Levi swiveled around, looking at Eren in horror. It was—the—it—it was still swinging behind Levi, not quite out of Eren’s sight. He couldn’t stop looking at it even though something in Levi’s eyes was pleading with him not to.

“Levi?” Eren waited for an explanation that never came. “You—” _Do you want to explain?_

The panic in Levi’s eyes vanished. He clenched his jaw and said tightly. “I think I better leave.”

Eren gaped, unable to formulate a proper response to that. The disappointment in Levi’s eyes crushed his lungs, and he opened his mouth to say something that might reassure Levi, but no sound came out.

When Levi pulled the hoodie over his head and rushed out of the room, his shoulders hunched down like he wanted to hide from the world, steps light and quick as a cat’s, Eren didn’t bother to chase after him.

He slumped down on his bed, mind reeling over what just happened, what he just saw. It wasn’t possible, Eren told himself. There was no logical explanation for it. He was probably imagining it, but—

But he couldn’t get the image of Levi’s terrified expression from his mind, and worse, the desperate plea for Eren to _understand_ , but Eren couldn’t do that because he didn’t trust his mind to know what it was seeing.

Levi had, for some inexplicable reason, grown a pair of cat ears and a tail.

Outside, the light sprinkle burst into heavy rain.

 

 

 

 

Eren’s family lived next to the Ackermans for as long as Eren could remember. They were his father’s coworkers, and they had one son who ended up being Eren’s best friend.

For as long as he knew them, they had a terrible habit of forgetting to lock their front door sometimes. Eren was always on the lookout for that, checking on their door when he could and locking it for them. The lack of unfortunate burglary and the goodwill of their neighbor prevented the Ackermans from tightening their security, and as it was, one afternoon when Eren was fifteen, he turned the knob of the Ackermans’ front door to find that it was unlocked, again.

Eren sighed. One of these days they were going to lose all of their valuables.

As he turned the lock on the door knob and prepared to shut the door, a crashing sound in the apartment startled him. He checked the shoes in the foyer and saw that at least Ren was home, but just to be sure, he called out, “Ren?”

It was very quiet. Eren slowly walked into the apartment. “Ren?” His voice was quieter this time though, like he sensed something was different and wanted to be cautious.

By the time he reached the kitchen, he froze in the spot when he saw a strange woman rummaging through their fridge. He backed up slowly, ready to leave and call the police, when the woman turned around and Eren realized that the woman was very _very_ familiar.

“Eren,” Ren said.

“Ren,” Eren said.

Ren winced.

They stared at each other for a while. Eren didn’t know what to say. Finally, Ren lifted up what he was rummaging in the fridge for. “Ice cream?”

“Sure,” Eren said.

They made their way through the ice cream in silence, Eren trying not to stare too much at Ren but failing completely. Perhaps tired of all the staring, Ren placed his spoon back into the bowl and asked. “What?”

Eren blurted out the first thing he thought of, “You have long hair.”

“It’s a wig.”

“Oh.” Then, “Do you want to grow your hair out?”

Ren fiddled with his nails, not looking at Eren’s eyes. “I do. Maybe up to my shoulders, but not longer than that.” He flattened his palms on the table and said so softly that Eren could barely catch it, “Do you hate it?”

Eren reached out and let a few smooth black strands slide through his fingers. “It could use a trim.”

Ren’s smile was warm.

And that was how Eren met Mikasa for the first time, and certainly not the last. Only he, Armin, and her family knew about her. It was only after this that he understood the restlessness in Mikasa and the strain under her eyes whenever they were at school or anywhere that wasn’t her safe apartment.

It was Mikasa that he approached first for advice on how to deal with his situation with Levi, only he went on the roundabout way rather than directly telling Mikasa what was going on.

“What?” Eren could still make out Mikasa’s frown through the blurry image. She had a shitty webcam.

“I said—” Eren sighed. “What should I do if I found out by accident something about someone that they didn’t want me to know about?”

“Is what you found out a bad thing?” Mikasa asked. “Is it something that could harm you?” she sounded alarmed now, and of course typical of Mikasa, she continued on. “If they’re hurting you, I could—”

“I’m fine,” Eren said, exasperated. “It’s not that. I found out something about them that—” _I don’t know what to make of it_ “—l don’t understand.”

Mikasa went quiet at that. Eren knew what she was thinking, what she was reminded of, and he had to admit with guilt that was partially the reason why he asked her in the first place. But mostly it was because she was the one friend he trusted, and her opinion mattered. “Did they know that you know?”

“Yeah,” Eren murmured. “It was an accident, and I was shocked. He left quickly afterwards. I feel like I should have handled it better, but I didn’t know what to do.”

“Are you okay with it?”

“What?”

“Whatever this was, he hid it from you for a reason. Now that you know, are you okay with it? With him?”

“I don’t know,” Eren admitted. His first response had been to deny it, but Levi didn’t answer any of his calls or emails. The more time he had to stew over what happened and Levi’s silence, the more time he had to slowly accept the reality that what he saw was real.

The anger came next. It felt as natural to him as breathing, fueled on by Levi’s silence. ‘ _How dare he?_ ’ Eren had thought. ‘ _How dare he hide this from me? How dare he be upset with me for finding out? How dare he judge me for reacting the way I did when he is what he is?_ _When he obviously tried to hide it from me?_ ’

The final stage was why he was talking to Mikasa now. Underneath the denial and anger was guilt that he didn’t respond as tactfully as he should. Eren reasoned that Levi couldn’t expect Eren to react the way he wanted because Eren had never seen…whatever Levi was before.

He didn’t know what to feel about Levi spontaneously popping out cat ears and a tail, but he did know he didn’t want Levi to be upset anymore.

Levi’s hurt expression kept rewinding in his mind over and over again.

“But I want to see him,” Eren said. “I want him to tell me. I want him to hear me out.”

“Talk to him then,” Mikasa said. Even though Mikasa’s microphone quality was poor, Eren could still hear the gentleness in her voice. “If he’s important to you, try.”

Eren looked down at his hands. “Yeah,” he said, although inside, he was trembling.

‘ _I’m scared_ ,’ he thought.

 

 

 

 

On Monday afternoon, Eren finally found the courage to go to Levi’s apartment. He knocked on the door, heart in his throat. He spent the entire weekend imagining different things he would say to Levi, but now that he was in front of Levi’s door, he forgot everything he thought of.

Levi didn’t answer the door.

After all of his mental fretting of different scenarios, Eren didn’t expect that Levi wouldn’t answer. He knocked a few more times in case Levi didn’t hear him the first time, but again, no answer.

Perhaps Levi wasn’t home. Yet, Eren’s mind couldn’t help but think of the worst scenario—that Levi was so upset he didn’t want to see Eren anymore. He passed by the park on the way home, hoping to bump into Levi, but the usual park bench where they met was empty.

His pride told him to give it up, but on Tuesday Eren returned. Levi didn’t answer the door then either. The park yielded similar results.

By Wednesday, Eren approached Erwin after class. Erwin said he hadn’t seen Levi since the housewarming party.

“He has this week off for medical reasons,” Erwin said. “You might catch him next week.”

Eren vaguely remembered Levi mentioning that he took a week off every month, but he never explained why. Erwin didn’t know where Levi might be if he wasn’t at home, but Eren thanked him anyway.

He couldn’t help the surge of worry washing over him. He hadn’t thought about the medical ramifications of Levi’s strange ability, but he hoped it wasn’t serious. That afternoon he stopped by Levi’s apartment again, but rather than knocking, he pressed his forehead against the cool wood. The smell of old paint and damp wood tickled his nose. Of course he couldn’t see anything through the eyehole.

“Hey Levi,” Eren said. He felt silly for speaking as if Levi were here. “Dr. Smith told me you’re on a temporary medical leave, and I’m worried about you. I hope you’re okay.”

Nothing but silence greeted him. He missed Levi. Even though he would stumble back into awkwardness, he wished Levi was in front of him.

“I really want to see you. Ummm, get well soon.”

He went straight home after that, feeling disappointed. He had imagined trying to reach for Levi and being rejected, but he hadn’t imagined that he wouldn’t be able to even try. The loss sat heavy in his heart, and that day, the heaviness was too much for him to even attempt to check the park to see if Levi was there.

Self-pity and concern for Levi was an unsettling combination in his stomach.

 

 

 

 

Mikasa and her family were going to Hong Kong for the summer, and she rubbed it in his face that she wouldn’t have a problem with the seafood. Eren told her that it wasn’t a competition. He was allergic.

Mikasa was too sharp sometimes because she asked before Eren could bring up the topic. “Did you manage to talk to that person? The one with the secret?”

“No,” Eren said. “I don’t think he wants to talk to me.”

He wanted to tell Mikasa everything, and then never think of Levi again. He wanted to stop feeling so upset about all of this. He wanted to stop being haunted by Levi’s hurt expression.

“Eren,” Mikasa said. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, and Eren remembered how much he missed her. How much he missed home. How unfamiliar and cold this place was when his only friend was lost to him.

“Yeah?”

Mikasa leaned closer to the camera until her eyes seemed to pierce through him even with miles of ocean between them. “I don’t think I ever told you this, but I’m glad that you never turned your back on me.”

“Me too,” he said, finding it hard to breathe. “I’m glad that you’re my friend.”

 

 

 

 

After three days of sun and scorching heat, the temperature plummeted as heavy rain stormed by. The strong wind flipped his umbrella inside out, and the joints refused to snap back despite Eren’s pushing. Frustrated with the wind constantly changing direction, Eren closed his umbrella and ran through the rain, consoling himself that it wouldn’t be long until he reached the dorms every time he sank into a deep puddle that sucked in his legs and left water splashing up to his thighs.

The thought of his backpack being soaked through forced him to open his umbrella again to fight against the wind. The summer air was still thick with heat, although most of it cooled with the heavy rain.

Eren decided to walk through the city park even though it would take him longer to get back because chances of more puddles were low if he stuck to the main path. He mumbled angrily under his breath as water seeped into socks.

A flash of gray dashed in front of his vision, and Eren nearly tripped into the grass to dodge it. He put a hand right above his brow, squinting against the rain beating against his face to see a familiar cat blocking his way.

“Quicksilver?” Eren asked hesitantly, not quite sure of himself because the wet gray fur looked nearly black, flattened until he could only make out the slender form and the familiar intelligent eyes.

The cat gave him an affirmative meow muffled by the sound of drumming on the asphalt.

“What are you doing out here in the rain?” Eren crouched down next to the cat, half expecting to be rejected only for the cat to shuffle closer to him. “You must be freezing.”

He couldn’t possibly leave Quicksilver out in the rain like this, but the dorms didn’t allow pets. He would get in serious trouble if someone found out. But Quicksilver shivered against Eren’s leg even though he looked like he was putting up a brave front for Eren. Eren knew he could not leave him.

“Hey.” Eren opened his palms in front of Quicksilver. “If you want, I’ll take you back to my place until the rain stops, alright?”

Alternatively he could just grab the cat and run to the nearest shelter from the rain, but he didn’t want to do that. He hoped he wouldn’t have to resort to that. The cat had shown responsive signs to Eren before, and Eren hoped that he would give them again. Even a nose against his finger would be good enough.

To his surprise, the cat hopped into his open palms, looking up at him expectedly. Eren kept staring at him in shock until he realized that they both should get going before one or both of them get sick.

“Good boy,” Eren said as he scooped the cat up into his arms, unzipped his parka, tucked the cat inside, and made a mad dash in the direction of the dormitory.

 

 

 

 

The student at the security desk didn’t even look up when Eren walked in, and even though the people at the elevator were waiting for him, he gave them an apologetic smile and went for the stairs instead. No one questioned the bulge he had in his parka, and thankfully Quicksilver was still and quiet the entire time until Eren got into his dorm room.

He immediately grabbed his towel from the back of his chair for the cat, taking care as he tried to dry him. Quicksilver purred happily when Eren nestled him in a bundle of clean sweaters on Eren’s bed afterwards, and then Eren left him be to take care of his own wet clothes. He had been tracking water into the room, and fortunately it was carpeted so he didn’t have to wipe the floor. It would be dry in the morning.

Eren felt self-conscious as he changed into sweatpants and a worn down T-shirt because the cat wouldn’t stop staring at him, and he seemed even more focused when Eren was stripping off his wet clothes.

“You’re quite the pervert,” Eren said as he tossed his sopping wet clothes into a corner. He used the same towel that he’s dried the cat with to dry his hair.

Quicksilver made no sound and continued to watch him quietly. He kept his eyes on Eren as Eren moved to sit next to him.

“You’re a lot friendlier today,” Eren mused. He almost reached out for the cat until he remembered that Quicksilver didn’t like him very much, and he suspected that the cat didn’t scratch him before because he needed to get away from the rain.

Quicksilver regarded him carefully, eyeing his hovering hand with curiosity. Eren jumped when he felt a puff of wet air and soft whiskers ticking against his palm as the cat twitched its nose against his hand.

“Hey there,” Eren said, amazed with the change in attitude from the other day. Perhaps he held Eren in higher regard now that Eren helped him out. “Are you going to let me pet you today?”

Eren received another shock for the day as Quicksilver rubbed his head against his hand. “Oh,” Eren said, rubbing the cat behind his ears. He didn’t quite believe it, but then Quicksilver was purring in contentment, so maybe he didn’t hate Eren like Eren originally thought.

“You’re a very strange cat,” Eren declared, and Quicksilver snapped up to meet his eyes. “What?”

There was something familiar in the way Quicksilver was looking at him, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. It was gone before Eren could think about it, and Quicksilver began bumping his head against Eren’s hand again.

“I got it; I got it,” Eren said and then began stroking Quicksilver’s head gently, paying special attention to the back of his ears. After a while though, Quicksilver got bored of the nest of sweaters and hopped into Eren’s lap, rolling his back against Eren’s palm.

“You’re a very demanding cat,” Eren sighed but complied and ran his hand up and down Quicksilver’s back. He purred in approval, and Eren had a strange feeling that the cat was training him to be his personal petting machine.

“Are you training me to do your bidding?” Eren asked. “Because you’re very good at it.”

Quicksilver innocently blinked up at him.

“Don’t give me that look,” Eren said. “You’re not fooling me.”

Quicksilver bumped his head against Eren’s hand again, and Eren resumed his petting. To reward Eren’s good behavior, the cat purred and rubbed his head happily against Eren’s lap.

“You’re lucky you’re fluffy and cute.”

 

 

 

 

Quicksilver went crazy over the tuna smell in his trash from the remnants of a sandwich from two days ago, so Eren had to take out the trash and dig out the remaining bag of cat food that he still had from his days of feeding the stray cats.

“I’m sorry,” Eren said when Quicksilver turned his head away from him. “I don’t have any tuna left, and I can’t feed trash to you.”

Quicksilver didn’t seem like he would be appeased at first, but after some time he decided to stop pouting at Eren and began to sniff at the cat food Eren laid out for him. Eren watched him nibble at the food and was reminded that just a while ago, that was Striker’s bowl. Or Mr. Darcy rather.

He wondered how Mr. Darcy and Nova were doing.

Just as his thoughts began to stray, Quicksilver startled him by jumping onto his lap again. He let out a soft meow, sounding like he was concerned.

“I’m fine,” Eren said.

Quicksilver let out another meow, sounding accusing this time.

“What? Are you worried about me?”

Quicksilver turned away and smacked his tail against Eren’s face in response.

“No, Eren gasped out, clenching a hand to his chest. He collapsed onto the bed and made a show of pretending to be dead, all the while Quicksilver watched on with little amusement. Almost exasperation, in a way. Unimpressed by Eren’s antics.

When he realized that Eren had no intention of being the adult here and would not get up anytime soon, Quicksilver responded by climbing on Eren’s hair, and before Eren could get a word out, he got a nose and mouth full of cat fur as the cat promptly blocked out his airway by sitting on his face. His butt was by Eren’s eyes. His tail swished over Eren’s forehead.

Eren realized he was being the butt of the joke here.

He knew he had to admit defeat and return to being a somewhat mature adult. Quicksilver easily hopped onto Eren’s bed once he noticed that Eren was going to sit up, finally.

“You’re no fun,” Eren told Quicksilver, who kept looking very unimpressed.

 

 

 

 

Eren woke up in the middle of the night to something nestled under his arm. Quicksilver was curled up into a ball, fast asleep and showing no sign of wanting to be anywhere else but in Eren’s arms.

Eren smiled and spooned against him.

The night was quiet. The rain had stopped a long time ago.

Eren fell back into a deep sleep, Quicksilver by his side.

 

 

 

 

It was too hot.

Eren untangled from the sweating body that he was snuggling against and rolled over to the other side. It was too early to get up, but already the summer heat made its way through the poorly insulated walls of the dorm room. Sunlight from the window hit him in the face, but he determinedly kept his eyes closed.

It was Saturday and he had no plans to get up before noon.

After another five minutes of his skin burning up in the sun and birds twittering outside his window, Eren became awake enough to realize that there was someone next to him in bed. And not a cat.

Eren flipped back to his right side.

Levi stared back at him.

Eren stared back.

“Hello.”

“Hello.”

Eren would be lying if he said he didn’t want Levi in his bed, but it remained that how Levi got here was beyond him.

“You’re naked,” Eren said incredulously.

“You have extraordinary observational skills,” Levi said with a surprising lack of embarrassment. He let Eren’s eyes roam over his body and looked almost proud while Eren did so, although when Eren stopped at the two gray cat ears perched on top of his head, Levi’s expression shuttered into something shy.

“Do you still have your human ears when you have these?” Eren gestured to the cat ears.

“No.” Levi lifted bangs out of the way and tilted his head for Eren to see. Sure enough, there was no ear, but there was a bump that curved from the sideline of his hair to above his jawline where Eren could imagine that a human ear would eventually grow in. “They’ll be back once these are gone.” Levi flicked a finger over a cat ear. “The tail,” and with his words, it flickered into view, swishing back and forth. “Is usually gone by then too.”

“Oh, okay.”

Eren pretended that he lost interest in the ears and tail, and Levi wasn’t meeting his eyes. Finally, Eren said, “Do you want some clothes?”

“Yeah, I’d appreciate that.”

After much shuffling from the bed where Eren may or may not have stolen some glimpses of Levi’s bare skin, Eren managed to successfully locate sweatpants and a shirt that would make Levi’s tail easier to deal with. Levi still wore the pants awkwardly however. The waistband dipped down because the tail was in the way and if Eren tried he could certainly get a view of Levi’s very nice ass.

But instead, Eren sat in his desk chair not quite sure what he should do or say. “I didn’t think I would see you again.”

Levi winced. “If you’re mad—”

“No, not like that,” Eren said hastily. “Not because I didn’t want to see you again, but because I thought you didn’t want to see me.”

“Oh.” Levi sat back on the bed. “That’s not true. I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Yes, you are.” Eren was reminded of the bizarreness of Levi’s presence here as a replacement for the tiny gray cat that was on his bed before, and he was slowly coming to terms with what he saw. It wasn’t easy when Levi kept throwing curveballs at him, but for now, all he could think about was how Levi was here. Levi wanted to see him. Levi still cared. “I went to your apartment, but you weren’t there.”

“I was,” Levi said. “I heard you at the door, but I was a cat and I couldn’t get the door.”

“Right.” Eren flushed as he remembered what he’d said.

“You wanted to see me.”

“Yeah.”

“I wanted to see you too,” Levi admitted shyly. “I heard you that day, and I wished that I could open the door and see you, but I couldn’t, and I didn’t want you to see me as—”

“A fluffy feline?” Eren chuckled lightly.

“—different,” Levi finished.

Eren ducked his head then, but he could still feel Levi’s eyes on him. He felt ashamed suddenly for wanting to stare at Levi’s ears and tail. All he was doing was making Levi feel more self-conscious when he shouldn’t feel that way at all.

“Do you think less of me now?” Levi asked. Eren tried not to rise up to the defensiveness in Levi’s tone.

“No,” Eren said. “I couldn’t.”

He looked up to meet Levi’s hopeful eyes. His gray ears were tilted toward Eren, and Eren reminded himself not to look at them and focused on Levi’s face instead. “I still like you. That hasn’t changed.” His cheeks burned at the confession, and across from him, Levi wasn’t doing any better. His tail swished back and forth on the bed.

“I like you too,” Levi said.

Eren watched Levi’s calm demeanor cracking into vulnerable pieces as he laid his heart bare. His throat constricted.

“Even though I didn’t want you to see me that day you came to my apartment, so I decided I was going to see you anyway. Did you know that?” Levi said softly, ears drooping a little. Eren wanted to run his hand behind them.

Something clicked in his brain. “You came to the park that day for me.” He thought of Levi’s drenched form in the rain, how Levi was hostile as a cat to him before, but was so agreeable when Eren took him back to the dorms, and suddenly, it made sense. “It was raining. What would you do if I hadn’t come?”

“Be disappointed,” Levi answered lightly even though his body language was anything but. “It didn’t matter at the time. I just want to see you.”

“You—” Eren began but couldn’t finish. Levi’s eyes were so earnest, so hopeful, that he knew then how much he meant to Levi. Levi seemed to understand his speechlessness because he smiled tentatively, and Eren smiled back.

Levi was the one to approach Eren this time. He placed a hand under Eren’s chin, and Eren looked up at him. He parted his lips just as Levi leaned down to meet him, crawling onto the chair to straddle Eren’s lap. Levi sucked gently at Eren’s bottom lip, and Eren shivered as Levi curled around him like he belonged there.

Eren didn’t realize that he had closed his eyes until Levi pulled away slowly. He felt a thumb brushing the corner of his mouth. Levi’s eyes were on his lips, but under Eren’s gaze, his eyes trailed up Eren’s face, stripped bare of its defenses, and then Eren could see it all, the pure want that he had glimpses of before now open before him.

“Thank you for coming back for me,” Eren said.

“You’re the one who came back for me,” Levi pointed out.

“It wouldn’t have mattered if you didn’t choose me,” said Eren. He curled his fingers around Levi’s wrist and tugged it toward his lips, kissing the quickening pulse.

Levi shivered.

Eren wondered what Levi’s reaction would be if he were to rub behind his ears, if Levi would purr in pleasure like a cat would. But then Levi’s vulnerable expression when he said he didn’t want Eren to see him as different flashed back, and Eren squashed those thoughts away.

“What is it?” Levi asked, probably sensing how distracted Eren was.

“Nothing,” Eren said, smoothing out the apprehension on his face before Levi became more concerned. “I’m fine.” When Levi didn’t look entirely convinced, Eren pressed his lips against Levi’s in a quick chaste kiss. “It’s fine. I promise.”

He tried to focus on the important things. Levi liked him. Levi wanted to see him again. Levi’s feelings for him mirrored his own feelings for Levi. And Levi was undeniably as human as anyone else.

He just had to remember that.

 

 

 

 

Levi’s ears and tail were gone completely by the next day, and it became easier for things to return to normal after that. Levi explained that his transformation into a cat happened every month for a maximum of one week, varying between three days to a week. The humanoid cat form lasted one or two days before and after the transformation, and usually Levi wore a hoodie because he didn’t have control over when his ears decided to pop out.

Eren took in this information in stride, nodding in understanding even though he didn’t know how to feel or react.

Levi’s explanation stopped there before Eren could sort out his feelings regarding the matter, and Eren was torn between asking because he was curious and refraining from making Levi feel any less human than he already was. Eren felt trapped in an awkward place where his only way out was Levi’s reluctance to talk about it.

Exams for the summer classes crept up on Eren, and he found himself seeing Levi even less as time rolled by. He missed Levi, and although he technically only had two exams, he was also going to the review sessions for the fluid mechanic class as well.

The Sunday before his first exam, Eren received an unexpected call from Levi while he was working through one of the practice exams.

“Are you free today?” Levi asked.

“No, I have to review for my exam this week,” Eren said reluctantly. They hadn’t seen each other for a while, but he couldn’t drop studying to see Levi. “There isn’t any chance that you would come over, is there?”

“Sure, I’ll come over,” Levi said. “When can I?”

“Now?” It was only two. He could work through the first final until six, and they could go out for dinner together. “I have to warn you though: I will be studying the entire time, so I can’t entertain you for the day.”

“That’s fine. I’ll bring things to do. We could go out for dinner together too.”

“Okay. I’ll see you in a bit?”

“Yeah. See you.”

Eren was excited that Levi agreed to come over, but at the same time he was worried that it would be awkward to have Levi here. He usually didn’t have people around him while he worked because they would get restless after an hour or so and either demand his attention or do an activity that cause a lot of noise.

He set that worry aside as Levi arrived, book bag in tow. “Your room smells better now.” Levi nodded with approval.

“I took out the trash.” Eren flushed with embarrassment at the reminder. “Sorry, I don’t have another desk or chair, so you have to take the bed.”

“That’s fine.” Levi set the book bag next to the bed. “I brought books and my laptop. I won’t disturb you.”

“Ok.” Eren scratched the back of his neck. “Sorry I can’t—I have to study, so it’s going to be a dull day for you.”

“I can find things to do without disturbing you.” Levi sat down on the bed and took out a book from his bag. “I won’t be bored.”

“If you’re sure.”

True to his promise, Levi was quiet as Eren worked through the practice problems. Eren was always aware that Levi was there, but he wasn’t distracted by him. Levi’s presence hovered in the background, comforting, reminding Eren that he didn’t have to be alone. He dived back into his work, the periodic flipping of pages from Levi a soothing sound.

By five, Eren was bored with all the equations and integrals, so he stopped. He got more done than he expected to, and he felt confident enough that he probably didn’t need to work much tonight.

Eren glanced over at Levi, who fell asleep with the book resting on his stomach, his hands sprayed over the cover. _The Evolutionary Biology of Homo Sapiens: A Look Into the Future_ by C. F. Xavier was printed in silver lettering on a dark blue hardcover. Eren didn’t know Levi was into biology. It wouldn’t be the first book Eren would pick.

Levi seemed comfortable on his bed, and Eren wanted to keep watching him. In the weak afternoon sunlight Levi looked undeniably human, soft and gentle with his sharp edges worn out in sleep. Eren was struck with a thought that Levi was no less human than anyone else, that he honestly and undoubtedly liked Levi, perhaps ever since Levi let him into his apartment and helped a complete stranger from a foreign land, and that alone proved he had more humanity in him than anyone else to Eren. In all his hidden smiles and his reservation and his desires and his unguarded form draping over Eren’s bed, Eren couldn’t see him as anything less than human.

He gave Levi’s foot dangling off the edge of the bed a light kick. Levi stirred, slowly at first, and as Eren gave Levi’s foot another nudge, he blinked at Eren, stretching his limbs for a good five seconds before swinging his feet to the floor and sitting up so quickly Eren almost jumped in surprise.

“Dinner?” Levi asked, stifling a yawn.

“Yeah,” Eren said. “You seem tired. Do you want some more time to rest?”

“No, I just need a few minutes to wake up completely.”

Eren took a seat next to Levi. He eyed the book with curiosity. “I didn’t know you have an interest in biology.”

Levi stiffened only for a mere second before he relaxed as if nothing happened, but Eren could sense the tension in his body through the slight shifting of Levi’s thigh away from his. “I have a small personal interest in it.”

Levi closed the book and handed it to Eren. It was an old book; the publication date behind the front cover indicated that it was written in 1975 and reprinted 1991. The pages were worn, as if Levi had reread this book many times already. Eren traced his fingers over the faded C.F. Xavier above the name of the publishing house as Levi spoke.

“There was a professor in the 60’s with a hypothesis that the nuclear age after World War II resulted in a higher rate of mutations within the human population,” Levi said. “He predicted that this would accelerate the evolution of the species into a higher one, people with—” Here, Levi paused as he studied the expression on Eren’s face. “Inhuman abilities.”

The word ‘inhuman’ echoed in Eren’s mind.

“And you’re one of them?”

“I don’t know.” Levi looked away. “There aren’t a lot of references I could find because interest in this particular part of biology died out after the Cold War. Besides, people were more concerned with the AIDS epidemic. Biology has changed so much since then, and people are more interested in things in a smaller scale.”

Eren handed the book back to Levi. Levi stroked the cover almost reverently. “I’ve always wanted an answer to what I am.”

Eren didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to think about how different Levi was because then Levi wouldn’t be the Levi that he knew. Levi would be out of reach, someone that Eren couldn’t possibly understand. So Eren did the only thing he knew how to do—he reached for Levi’s hand, curling his fingers around the rough contour of warm skin. The touch emboldened his resolve.

“You’re as human as I am, as anyone else,” said Eren. “Everyone is a little different.”

Levi pulled his hand away.

“I turn into a cat every month, Eren,” Levi said. “That is more than ‘a little different’.”

“But everything else about you is the same,” Eren pointed out. He thought of Levi and his ugly mouse shirt at the front door, Levi’s excited gestures as they talked about the magnetic train, Levi coming to the park every day to keep him company, every bit as human as anyone else, every bit deserving of love as anyone else, and wished Levi could see what he saw. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Even with Eren’s attempt at comfort, Levi didn’t look convinced. His brows furrowed at Eren’s words, and Eren wondered if he said something wrong. He looked down at his hands, and Eren remembered that just a few days ago, they were fuzzy paws and sharp claws.

Eren placed a hand over Levi’s. Levi’s fingers felt rough and hard under his touch. “Your real self, sitting here with me right now, that’s all that matters,” Eren said gently.

Levi didn’t say a word. He just stared at Eren’s palm over his, Eren’s was slightly longer and more slender than his, but they were more or less the same. Eren wondered if Levi understood what he was showing him.

 

 

 

 

Going to dinner meant an opportunity for them to sweep away the tension from the previous conversation.

Eren discovered that he was afraid of asking Levi about his past because he didn’t know how to react if Levi brought up the cat thing again, especially since he had a bad history of responding to it. Even though they talked and joked around and Levi was laughing, Eren could feel the distance between them keenly, and he didn’t know how to close it.

They stumbled back to Eren’s dorm room; Eren barely got the front door shut before Levi was on him, kissing him as if he feared that they wouldn’t have another chance to do this again. They broke apart only for a second to get some air before they surged together once more, Levi pushing in between Eren’s legs, Eren’s back scraping against the cold wall.

Eren groaned as Levi’s thigh rolled against his crotch. He tugged Levi’s tucked shirt out from his waistband, and then his fingers were sneaking up Levi’s back, feeling the muscles ripple underneath his touch as Levi pressed even closer against him.

Eren broke their kiss. He barely managed to pant out, “Do you—do you want to take this to—” He felt his face heating up as his eyes strayed to the bed. He’d only fumbled a few times with another guy back in eleventh grade, but they both parted ways and never spoke to each other again. Despite his previous not-so-pleasant experience, he wanted to touch Levi so badly.

But Levi froze.

“Levi?” Eren was confused as Levi pulled away from him, his face scrunched up in anxiety. “What’s wrong?” The panicked expression on Levi’s face sobered Eren immediately.

“I can’t do this,” Levi mumbled. He flinched away when Eren tried to reach for him, and Eren let his hand drop to his side awkwardly.

His mind was reeling. He couldn’t process what just happened. One moment Levi was grinding against him desperately and the next he jumped out of Eren’s reach like it disgusted him.

“What’s wrong?” Eren was lost, his mind numb as he struggled to surface from the murky ice water.

Levi was breathing heavily through his nose, unwilling to meet Eren’s eyes. “I can’t do it.”

“Alright,” Eren said. Clarity was returning to him gradually. “We don’t have to do anything.”

Levi looked at him then, eyes hardening like cooling liquid steel. “Eren. I can’t pretend that I’m completely human for you.”

“I never said—” Eren stumbled over his jumbled thoughts. “What?” He never even suggested that Levi had to pretend to be anything.

But Levi was looking at Eren as if Eren had, his gaze sharpening into a spear. “Eren, do you even know what you’re asking for if you decide to be with me?”

“Something tells me you’ve already decided what I do know and what I don’t.” Eren felt the fury slowly rolling in his chest, fueled on by his confusion. “How am I supposed to know anything if you don’t tell me?”

“How am I supposed to explain myself if you’re afraid of me?” Levi hissed.

Eren recoiled at that. Levi’s words struck the insecurity deep inside him, and he couldn’t help but flinch away from their harsh truth. He quickly tried to wipe it from his face, but Levi caught it before he could.

“I’m not scared of you,” Eren said. “I’m scared of—” He paused, unable to finish his thought. He wasn’t scared of Levi hurting him, he knew, but there was something fueling the fear inside him, and he didn’t know how to explain it without hurting Levi. “I don’t know.”

But his unfinished thought was enough to hurt Levi. Eren couldn’t bear to see hurt on Levi’s face, but turning away would surely hurt Levi even more.

“But you do know,” Levi said softly. “You remember what happened last time.”

Eren swallowed. The memory of sharp fangs scratching inside his mouth, Levi’s hands on his chest grew sharp needles that missed Eren’s skin only because of the layer of clothing. Most of all, he remembered Levi’s horrified expression as Eren saw his transformation, the fear in Levi’s eyes that Eren didn’t know how to soothe away.

“I do,” Eren said.

“So you know I can’t pretend to be your pet human for you,” Levi scoffed.

“I never said you have to pretend to be anything!”

“But you keep pretending that the feline part of me doesn’t exist.”

Eren inhaled sharply.

Did he?

He didn’t—he kept trying to remember the parts of Levi that made him appear human, convincing himself that those were the only ones that mattered because he could sympathize with them. He didn’t think about anything that would make Levi different as something important because—

“The feline part of you? What does that mean exactly?” For the first time, Eren voiced the nagging anxiety that he had hidden deep inside his mind because dragging it out would mean accepting that Levi was less human, that Levi was an entity that he could never understand, forever out of his reach. But there it was, the elephant in the room. Revealed at last.

The questions flooded his mind once he cut the chain binding them, the worst of which was, “Would you hurt me?” as he recalled the inhuman strength that nearly knocked him out the first night he invited Levi back to his room.

No, Levi wouldn’t hurt him on purpose, Eren knew, but he didn’t know the extent of his power. He didn’t know the extent of Levi’s control. He didn’t know many things about Levi.

And that, ultimately, was what he truly feared. Not what he knew about Levi, but what he didn’t know.

“I don’t have control over it, not when it comes to be intimate with someone. I’ve never—” Levi sucked in a breath. “I could never get close enough with someone to know.”

All the fight deflated from Eren. Levi stood tall, but Eren could sense his mind curling protectively around itself. “Do you want to—” Eren let out a shaky sigh. “Sit down for a while?”

His only anchor was the fact that Levi looked as lost as he was. “I think I need some time to think about what I want,” Levi whispered.

“Right,” Eren said.

“Alone.”

“Oh.” It stung even though Eren logically knew it wasn’t an outright rejection. “Right.” But if Eren was honest with himself, he didn’t quite know what he wanted either, now that he had to think about Levi in a different light.

“Let’s talk after we have some time to think about it,” Levi said.

“Yeah,” Eren mumbled weakly. Their conversation left him exhausted, and Levi looked equally drained.

“I’ll see you later,” Levi said, but it gave Eren little consolation. Eren suspected that he might have a grimace on his face.

“Yeah.”

Levi seemed like he wanted to say something, but he caught himself in time, his lips thinning into a harsh line. Eren clenched his fists tightly by his side as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

Levi wordlessly walked past him. It wasn’t until he heard the soft click of the door closing that Eren allowed himself to collapse to the floor. He leaned back against the cold wall, already feeling like he lost Levi even though they hadn’t even decided to end this yet.

 

 

 

 

Eren didn’t have time to worry about his relationship with Levi because his two exams sprang up on him as the week began. Eren nearly lost a day fretting over what happened, but he forced himself to sit through the fluid mechanics exam. Even though it wouldn’t count for credit, he needed the adrenaline to snap himself back into studying mode.

The exam was enough to distract Eren from thoughts of Levi, and after the boost, Eren powered through his other two exams on Wednesday. He was exhausted come late Wednesday afternoon after too much testing and unfortunately bumped into Dr. Smith on his way home.

“Ah, Eren!” Dr. Smith greeted him warmly as they headed down the street together, Dr. Smith shortening his strides for Eren to catch up. “What did you think of the exam?”

“I didn’t study for it,” Eren admitted with abashment. “I had to focus on my two other classes.”

Erwin laughed. “You’re not enrolled in the class, so it’s not a problem. I hope you got a lot out of the class.”

“I did,” Eren said. The sense of accomplishment made him feel lighter than he had in days.

“When are you returning to China?” Erwin asked.

“In two weeks,” Eren answered. The reminder that he would have limited time with Levi made his stomach twist uncomfortably.

“Well, it was very nice to meet you and have you in my class.” Erwin smiled. “Please feel free to keep in contact.”

“Yes, of course,” Eren said, and then waved good bye as Erwin reached his bus stop.

He would only have two weeks left with Levi. Levi said that they both needed time to think about what they both wanted, but time was the one thing that they couldn’t have.

 

 

 

 

In contrast to Eren’s mood, his family and Mikasa were delighted that he was going to return soon. Skyping with them reminded him of how much he missed them, and Eren realized he missed Beijing more than he initially thought.

“How was it?” Mikasa asked.

“It was good,” Eren said, knowing that he did less tourism than Mikasa expected him to. “I have a lot of stories, but they’re better told when I return.”

Before Mikasa could ask if he made up with Levi, Eren quickly asked. “How was Hong Kong?”

Mikasa became quiet. She looked down at her nails.

“Mikasa?”

She shrugged. “It was alright.”

Even people who’d never met Mikasa before could tell that something was wrong. “What happened?”

Mikasa didn’t say anything at first, but Eren knew that if he waited, she would feel comfortable enough to tell him. This was the girl who made him feel her padding under her shirt and on top of her shirt and as a result almost gave her parents the wrong idea about them.

Sure enough, Mikasa began to speak.

“I tried to get through Hong Kong as a woman.”

Eren blinked. “You did? Your parents let you?”

“They didn’t know,” Mikasa mumbled. “Something came up at their work, and I told them that I would go to Hong Kong first, and they could meet me there. I wanted to try going outside as myself where no one I know would recognize me.”

“Did you—” _get caught?_ Eren wanted to ask but said instead, “How was it?”

Mikasa’s eyes darted away, her palms lowered onto her desk. She opened her mouth, and for a while, she couldn’t get any words out.

“Mikasa?”

“Eren, be honest with me.” Mikasa swallowed, her Adam’s apple that she could never hide bobbed at the movement. “Would you date me?”

“Did you forget that I like guys? Because I haven’t.”

“No I haven’t,” Mikasa sighed in irritation. “What if you weren’t gay, would you date me?”

“Of course I would, if I can ignore the fact that you’re like my sister,” Eren said. “What is this about anyway? What happened?”

But Mikasa ignored his questions. “Would you really date me? Looking like this?”

She looked like she was pleading with him for something that he couldn’t give her, and Eren sat in shock as he was forced to look at her, _really look at her_. He saw them then—the things that he didn’t want to notice because he truly wanted to love her as she was—the stubble across her jaw that would always grow back no matter how often she shaved, the side burns growing back that would reconnect with the growing beard above her upper lip, the square face and broad forehead that did nothing to soften her face into something more feminine. He knew that people would look at her, and no matter how much make up and how long she grew her hair, they would always see the masculinity before they see her.

And what could he say right now? Should he tell her the truth? Should he lie?

Eren didn’t know what he was lying about.

For the first time, he truly saw Mikasa. As she ducked her head, taking his silence as an answer, he felt the pain sharper than he had ever felt it since Mikasa first told him about the her parents’ slip of cruel words when they were only fourteen.

He wanted to be across the Pacific right now, sitting next to her, pulling her into his arms as she cried on his shoulder. But instead, all he could do was watched her trying to blink away the tears, trying to be strong.

“I was doing fine going to the station,” Mikasa said. “But just—every time I walked down the street, I kept feeling judging eyes on me, and even though I knew there were millions of people and I was just one small person among them, I kept thinking that somehow, _they knew_. Even though I was careful and shaved and put myself carefully together, I just couldn’t stop feeling so scared.”

Mikasa took in several shaky breaths as if she was lost in that memory once more, and Eren gently nudged her back. “Mikasa, you’re safe now.”

But she closed her eyes and shook her head. “At the station, they asked me for my passport, and I knew it was over. I knew what was on my passport, and when they looked at me, he knew. I tried to stand tall but I couldn’t stop shaking because I was so scared—what if I got in trouble? What if I got my parents in trouble as a result? I was going to lose everything, and I was going to take everything from my parents because I was so stupid.”

“Mikasa, it’s not—” _your fault_ , he wanted to say.

Mikasa clasped her palms to her face, taking in deep breaths to calm herself. “He let me go, and I went home. I couldn’t do it anymore. It was so close. I couldn’t—I can’t go through with it.”

Eren didn’t know what to say. “I’m glad that you’re safe,” he said.

Mikasa met his eyes then. She seemed hesitant to say something at first, but then as it usually was with Mikasa, she straightened her shoulders, the short-lived vulnerability dissipating as quickly as it came. Mikasa had too much pride to let it linger. “I almost didn’t want to tell you this,” she admitted.

“Why not?” The hurt surged violently in his chest, and he knew he sounded it even if he attempted to clamp it down.

“It’s not just you either. My parents too. Don’t take it personally.”

“My best friend doesn’t feel like she can trust me. I think I have to take this personally.”

Mikasa sighed. “Sometimes people don’t like to be reminded of who I am. Don’t give me that look, you know what I’m talking about,” she raised her voice when Eren gave her a quizzical look. “They either get uncomfortable or defensive when I do talk about it, and it’s emotionally exhausting to reassure you guys all the time when I’m supposed to be sorting out my own feelings.”

Eren was tempted to snap back. It was easy to become defensive just as Mikasa accused him of being, and as much as he hated to admit it, she was right. So he opted for the truth. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do because I can’t change the world for you and I do a shit job comforting you. I want to tell you that things will be okay, but…they’re not.”

“I know,” Mikasa said, sounding sympathetic even though Eren should be the one offering sympathy. She had to do this a lot, he realized.

“I’ll try harder,” Eren promised. “I’ll be here always to listen,” he said, understanding that even if it was the only thing he knew how to offer right now, he wanted to try at least, one step at a time. “You don’t have to go through it alone.”

He didn’t know if this was the right thing to do or say. Mikasa gave him a rueful smile.

 

 

 

 

Eren didn’t want to rush Levi, but he had to let Levi know that he was leaving soon. Eren did a lot of thinking in the meantime, and he still couldn’t find an answer.

He only hoped that wasn’t the case for Levi.

Levi’s reply to Eren was to ask if he wanted to meet at the park.

 

 

 

 

The town cleared up as soon as the last finals for the summer classes were over. It was sunny and warm when Eren stretched out on the grass next to Levi. Remaining clouds from the weekend rain brushed white across the sky. Levi had his eyes closed as the wind ruffled his hair, and Eren was tempted to tuck the strands behind his ear.

He turned his eyes to the sky instead.

“There’s not a lot of people left.” The park was mostly empty, save for the occasional people walking their dogs.

“It’s the end of the summer term, so people are going home until the fall term begins,” said Levi. A moment of silence passed between them as the implication sank in. “You’re leaving soon.”

Eren tried to decipher the emotion behind Levi’s tone. He couldn’t. “Yeah.”

“I thought for a while that if you like me despite my cat form, I would be okay with it,” Levi said. His eyes were still closed. “I thought it would be enough.”

“I do like you,” Eren said.

“I know.”

 _But it wasn’t enough_ , Eren thought, heart heavy. He knew there was only one way that the budding relationship between them would end, and while the fact that he was leaving soon should console him, it only made him feel more nauseated.

“The worst part of being what I am is being unable to be with someone,” Levi said.

“There are people who care for you, who want to be close to you,” Eren said. _Who wanted to love you_ , he almost added but didn’t. He knew this was true. He saw how the people were around Levi at the house party, and he knew. He saw the kind of person Levi was and found it hard to imagine that there was no one interested in Levi before. As for himself—

Eren perished that thought before it hurt too much to think about.

“But that’s not the problem, is it?” Eren asked. He had a feeling that Levi’s wound ran deeper than what he could handle. It terrified Eren, not being able to do anything about it when he wished so much that he could.

“I was happy to know that you like me,” Levi said. He met Eren’s eyes then. “I wanted you to like me because I wanted you. But I don’t want you to like me despite my mutation.”

Mutation? “Mutation as in there’s something wrong with your DNA?” Eren frowned. No, that wasn’t the point here. “You know I’d still like you, right?”

Levi turned away. “That’s one way to put it. Faulty DNA.” His voice was strained.

The instant Eren said it, he regretted it, even though that was what it was—unrepaired errors in the basic genetic code that made up who Levi was. He felt like he was walking on fragile glass that would collapse on him in any moment. And the insecurity made him frustrated. He wanted to make Levi feel better, but he didn’t know what he should do because Levi didn’t understand what he himself wanted. Every word could hurt Levi, and while Levi wasn’t frail in the mind by any means, Eren knew they were diving into Levi’s most insecure part of himself, and there was no telling when he would shut down again.

“No one expects you to be perfect, Levi,” Eren said.

“No, but it would be easier for you if I was completely human, wouldn’t it?” Levi didn’t snap at him, but it was a near thing. “Don’t make that face. Don’t you dare say that it wouldn’t matter because it does. Don’t you dare turn me into a humanitarian project and say that you like me despite my mutation because I’m still _human_.” He spit out the word ‘human’ like it disgusted him, and Eren couldn’t clamp down on his own anger anymore.

“ _What was wrong with being human?_ ” Eren asked, rising from the grass. Perhaps he was latching on to his fury because it was easier than deciphering the complex entanglement of hurt that was spreading through his heart. That feeling of loss was back again, the ugly thought that there were too many differences between them, that Levi would always be someone out of his reach no matter how much Eren liked him.

“It’s not about you being human,” Levi snapped this time. “It’s not about you.”

“It sure feels like it,” Eren said. “It sounds like you hate the thought of humans. It sounds like you hate—” He added weakly, “Me.”

“Of course not,” Levi growled. “How could you even think—” He paused, sucking in a breath. “I hate being reminded every day that I’m something people would fear. I hate having to hide what I am so that people could accept me. I hate that I don’t know what I am and the only reference I could find are books decades ago. But never you. I couldn’t hate you if I tried.”

All the words escaped Eren then, and with their absence, shame filtered in. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

All the fight seemed to seep out of Levi at that. He sat up so that Eren’s face was only a few inches from his, and this close, Eren remembered the familiar warmth in Levi’s eyes. It struck him that the Levi who helped him when he was lost and the Levi who stayed by his side when he was struggling with loneliness in a foreign land were the same Levi who ran out in the rain, damp fur flattened against his body, searching for Eren because he had to see Eren now, the same Levi who joked with him and curled up next to him on the bed. He was the same Levi that liked him. But he was also the Levi with differences and difficulties that Eren might not know and understand, things that he had to face alone.

Eren gently traced a finger across Levi’s jaw, Levi’s skin warm from the afternoon sun, but Levi turned away from his touch. He dropped his hand awkwardly to his lap, stung even though he told himself he wouldn’t feel that way.

“It’s not a matter of being unable to find someone,” Levi said. When Eren didn’t say anything, he continued. “That’s not the reason why I can’t be with someone. It’s trying to convince myself that I’m worth loving.”

But Levi was worth loving. Eren didn't know how he could convince Levi of that.

“I love you,” Eren blurted out.

Levi froze.

“You can't say things like that.”

“Why not?” Eren said. “I love everything I know about you, and I want to learn to love everything else I don't know about you. I love you even if you're not human. What's wrong with that?”

“You can't say things like that to make me feel better about the situation and then just leave. Don't treat me like one of your stray cats, Eren.”

Eren couldn't say anything. It was true. He was leaving soon. Now it was Eren who couldn't meet Levi's eyes.

“You're not coming back, are you?” Levi's voice was soft, all knowing, and Eren couldn't lie to him.

“No,” Eren admitted. “I can't stay in one place.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “But maybe I could now.”

He always believed that he would be happy forever always traveling, never settling in one place, basking in the easy acceptance of people who just met him but never staying long enough for them to learn too much and find something to dislike about him. Eren knew he could do that and be happy, and if he was honest with himself, he didn't know if he would be as happy if he stayed with Levi.

“Would you? For me?”

“If you would have me.”

Eren nearly jumped in surprise when Levi curled a hand around his and squeezed. “Thank you, but I won't make you stay when you're not ready,” he murmured, and Eren felt ashamed with the relief that rushed through him. “I'm happy that you would do that for me though.”

“Even so, I want you,” Eren said. “I want us. We could make it work.” Even if he wasn’t ready to settled down in one place, he might, one day.

“Could we?” Levi looked away. "What if your love isn't enough?"

Eren knew. 

His love wasn't enough. It never would be.

“It'll be hard.”

Eren thought about the issues Levi had with himself that Eren's love for him couldn't fix, the pain that Levi himself had to overcome. He thought about his parents who had yet to know that he would never be able to date a woman, about how they might react to Levi, about how they might never find out about who Levi truly was. He thought about his own demons, the stubbornness that didn't want to accept Levi's differences, the fear built on years of never belonging in one place, always the odd one out. And then there was the distance. It would be a rocky relationship, and it might even make them both unhappy. “But we have each other, right? We won't be alone.”

“I hate what you can do to me sometimes,” Levi said. He squeezed Eren's hand.

Eren brushed a finger on Levi's cheek, hesitant of how Levi would react. “Can I kiss you?”

“I'll be mad if you don't.”

Well then.

It felt different this time. It wasn't desperate like their previous kisses, but a slow burn that spread from Eren's chest all the way to the tip of his toes. Levi's fingers were scorching on the back of his neck, and Eren was struck with the feeling that for once in his life, he wanted to try to stay.

Levi tensed when Eren's fingers sprayed over his hip, but he relaxed when Eren moved his hand up and under his shirt. It reminded Eren that there were still things they had to work out, and Levi still needed to be comfortable with his own body before he could allow himself to be intimate. But Eren couldn't imagine walking away from Levi, couldn't imagine the possibility of losing Levi to his own fears.

Levi pulled back, his smile genuine and real. “I want to try.”

“Me too.”

Something wet hit the side of his face. And another. And another. The summer shower sprinkled over them, and Eren remembered that their first kiss was also in the rain.

Levi laughed. “Your hair looks ridiculous.” He patted down Eren's wet and messy hair.

Eren grinned.

 

 

 

 

Levi didn’t tip-toe around the cat thing anymore. He would make off-handed comments sometimes, like how humiliating it was to pee when he was a cat. Eren secretly loved those.

But there were other things too. These didn’t come as often. They came at first as an off-handed comment, like how Levi had a high pain tolerance. When Eren asked why, Levi paused, the kettle hanging awkwardly in the air for a moment before he caught himself and lowered it on the counter.

“Repeated exposure to pain,” Levi explained. “The shift from a human body to a cat one and vice versa is not a painless one.”

Eren walked up to Levi and wrapped his arms around him then. Levi stood tall and proud as if it didn’t hurt him to think about it.

They stood in silence for a long time.

There were things that Eren told Levi too, things that were meant to be funny or lighthearted, but hen he retold the story, he realized what he was digging up wasn’t as funny as he thought, like the first month at the new school after the move from Germany. It was a lonely month.

“My parents just dropped me off and expect me to do what children do and fit in,” Eren laughed, but the laughter died out to bitterness at the reminder that they were too busy with their own jobs to notice that he was struggling to adapt. “I learned very quickly that being different isn’t a good thing if you want to have friends.”

The first time he watched Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone was the first time he found something that was home. He nearly cried thinking about the books that he left behind, the sky blue bookshelf that his parents sold because they weren’t coming back, and at the time, he couldn’t stop talking to his classmates about it. Words burst out of him, and he felt free for the first time in months. But when break came everyone turned away from him; they found his rant obnoxious.

Eren stopped talking about home. It became easier since then to not talk about home, and eventually it was easier not to refer to it as home at all.

“It’s okay you know,” Levi said. “To be different.”

Eren knew that, but hearing it aloud for the first time broke something inside of him. His throat constricted.

“Yeah.”

Eren told Levi about Mikasa. Levi silently listened as he spoke, and Eren couldn't stop talking about her. He came to the startling conclusion that he loved her as much as he loved his parents, and the thought that he had unintentionally hurt her came crashing back to him.

“She's very brave,” Levi said when Eren had no more words left to say.

Eren couldn't say anything. Something thick and heavy lodged in his throat. No matter how great the urge was to run off to another place, another country, away from the thought of how scared he was to lose her, Eren knew he had to return someday. There were things that he had to tell her.

Levi stayed by his side, silent and without judgment. It helped. For the first time, Eren wasn't in a rush to leave a place behind, and for the first time, he felt like he wanted to put in the effort to keep the people he cared about rather than running from the fear that he might hurt them.

 

 

 

 

A familiar blur of gray dashed toward Eren’s leg, and Eren barely dodged out of the way safely without accidentally pushing Levi onto the street. He almost crashed into the parking meter, but Levi caught him by his arm.

“You’re alright?” Levi asked at the same time a vaguely familiar voice hastily said, “I’m really sorry!”

Eren blinked down at the tabby cat curling around his leg. “Striker? I mean—Mr. Darcy. Hey there.”

“Sorry, I accidentally dropped the leash and he just dashed away at the chance,” the girl said. “He likes you though—hey, aren’t you the person who helped me find him? Eren right?”

“Sasha?” Eren said hesitantly. He wasn’t very good with names.

“Yeah.” She smiled. “And you’re Levi right?”

Levi gave her an awkward nod of acknowledgement, but Sasha didn’t seem deterred at the least to keep a conversation with them. “Mr. Darcy misses you. He’s a sweetheart.”

“He is,” Eren said. “Can I pet him?”

“Of course!”

Eren got to his knees, never mind Levi’s disapproving noise that the pavement was dirty. Mr. Darcy purred in happiness when Eren ran his palm gently under his chin, even went as far as rubbing his head against Eren’s hand. “I’m glad to see he’s doing well.”

“Yeah, thank you so much for finding him,” Sasha said. “I don’t think I’ve thanked you enough.”

Mr. Darcy turned away from Eren and returned to his owner’s side once he decided that he had lost enough dignity succumbing to the pleasure of Eren’s company. Eren still wanted to pet him, but if Mr. Darcy decided that was enough, it was enough.

He got back to his feet, dusting his knees with his hands. “It’s alright. You don’t have to thank me. He kept me from getting too lonely in a new country.”

“You’re not from here?” Sasha asked, and of course this prompted Eren to explain to her that he was an international student, and that led to a brief story of his family. Despite the long rant, Eren didn’t miss the fact that Levi had wrapped a hand possessively around his, and he felt a flush rising up his face.

“Are you from Beijing as well?” Sasha asked Levi.

“No, I live around here,” Levi answered.

“Oh. Did you come here to visit your boyfriend then?”

The question was innocent, but Eren felt his face heating up anyway. It wasn’t that he wanted to hide his relationship with Levi, but they hadn’t directly vocalized what they were to each other. It sounded right, hearing the affirmation for the first time.

Levi looked equally as affected.

Sasha probably sensed it too, and Eren had to explain. “Ah no. We met here actually. He helped me out when I didn’t have anywhere to go.” It wasn’t as dramatic as he was making it sound, and he knew Sasha was imagining something grander than what actually happened, but Levi didn’t seem to mind.

“That’s really sweet!”

Sasha wished him a good flight before they parted ways and thanked them again for helping her before. Levi’s hand was still around his with no intention of letting go, but Eren clasped their hands together just in case.

That earned him a smile from Levi.

“Maybe one day, we can get a cat,” Levi said.

“I don’t know if I can handle two cats,” Eren said, feeling warm at the thought that there would be a _them_ in the future. “Besides, you probably have to meet my parents before we can talk about that.” The thought of home sent a wave of nostalgia through him. “I really want you to meet my best friend too.”

“Let’s see if we even get that far,” Levi smiled.

 

 

 

 

Levi ********

China Southern Airlines: Flight 660

From:

San Francisco, CA (SFO)

Sat Dec 19, 2015 at 12:15 AM

To:

Guangzhou, China (CAN)

Sun Dec 20, 2015 at 9:30 AM

China Southern Airlines: Flight 3103

From:

Guangzhou, China (CAN)

Sun Dec 20, 2015

12:00 PM

To:

Beijing, China (PEK)

Sun Dec 20, 2015

3:10 PM

 

Important Information:

Confirm your flight with your airline at least 24 hours before scheduled departure time.

Arrive at the airport at least 90 minutes prior to departure time. Check-in at your operating airline's gate

Have proper form(s) of government issued identification with you for check-in

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos to anyone who got all the shameless X-men references!!!
> 
> Shameless X-men plug yes.
> 
> Also shameless The Cat Return plug because I definitely used Kaze ni Naru as writing music.


End file.
